LET ME THINK 18.

It was a long week. The weekend was restless for me.

The next couple of weeks are going to test my patience, mentality, and focus. I just have to keep going! #resilience Family is keeping me afloat. There will be better days. I know it!!!

On another note, I’ve been thinking about love. All my past crushes and unrequited love. I wish them all well! But wouldn’t it be crazy if I randomly bumped into one of them and suddenly we reconnected?! Yeah, right. Haha. Stranger things have happened.

This is also a reminder that I can do anything! Reach for the stars.

I’m tired. Good night and have a great week!

b

LET ME THINK 17.

I’m gonna switch this one up a bit. Anyway, I’m sleepy, but I can’t sleep. Not until I get this off of my chest.

Am I hard to love? Am I looking for love in all of the wrong places? Am I being proactive about love? Some of the many questions that go on in my anxiety filled mind.

I think I do my best to be my most genuine self and sometimes it still doesn’t feel enough. I feel like putting myself out there will just be disappointing every time. Am I not opening myself up enough? I have my reservations. I’ve been hurt in the past, so my walls are very high. I might’ve mentioned this in a previous entry. I easily am hurt when people disrespect me. At times, I feel like I’m not being taken seriously. On top of that, I’ve encountered people who pose as your wing person only to have them betray you. I understand that everyone isn’t the same, but that one incident stung. I really thought I could trust her. I revisit it a lot and I wish I could’ve done it differently. Instead of telling her that it was okay. Because it wasn’t.

In the words of Kylo Ren, “Let the past die.” Oh believe me, I’m trying.

Now I’m ready to sleep.

Good night.

b

LET ME THINK 16.

  1. This day has come. I’m so sad. Today is our cousin’s funeral. I don’t want to say goodbye. 😦
  2. I’ve been processing the last few days. Family is everything.
  3. Relatives still can’t tell Bianca and I apart. Lol. #twinlife #twins
  4. It’s been great catching up with everyone.
  5. Maria(n) was strong and I will continue to be.

Good night. I have to be up in a few hours.

b

LET ME THINK 15.

  1. It’s been a while since I’ve done this.
  2. Heavy week for me. I’m filled with sadness, but comforted with peace.
  3. I’ll be seeing family this weekend. Three days of togetherness. Much needed.
  4. I’m learning to let the little things go. After Marian’s passing, life isn’t the same.
  5. We miss her so much. I wish we had more time. Where did the years go?

Good night!

b

RIP Marian.

I found out yesterday morning that our cousin had passed peacefully. I’m thankful that I was able to visit her. I held her hand, we prayed, and I kept telling her to be strong.

Life isn’t the same without her. My only regret is not having enough time and just reaching out. These last few years have been difficult and it’s unfortunate that we had to see family under these circumstances.

I want to be a better person. I want to keep my family ties strong. And I just want to be a positive person! Marian was all of that and more.

I think back on so many memories, especially when we were all growing up. I’ll always remember the family trips and the parties. I hope we can continue the tradition of making memories and taking photographs together again.

Don’t take life for granted. As Marian had posted: “Die with memories, not dreams.”

Rest in love and in peace, Marian. We love you and we miss you so much already.

b

For Maria.

This might be Christmas 1988. The cousins! Photo taken by Dad. Maria is in yellow.

I’ve been thinking of my cousin Maria a lot lately. Everyone knows her as Maria, but we grew up knowing her as Marian. She’s kind, artistic, and absolutely strong! She’s currently in the hospital.

It’s been years since we’ve seen each other or connected, but know we’re thinking and praying that you get well soon.

Keep fighting, Marian! ❤

b

LET ME THINK 14.

  1. Still pumped because of our extra innings victory. Go Giants! 🙂 #beatla #andrewmcclutchen
  2. Why does the weekend always go by so quickly?
  3. Looking forward to the warm weather today!
  4. I’ve been cutting out junk food. It’s so hard! Especially sweets. Ahhhhh.
  5. I dislike losing my things. Where did I put my cardigan? Random, I know.

Have a great week! Good night.

b