LET ME THINK 26.

I’m very upset right now. I feel invalidated. I feel like I don’t matter.

These last few days have been hard, but everything from here on out will just be harder. How much more can I possibly take? What’s my purpose? I’m so broken. I’m so empty. I don’t know what else I can possibly do.

The nagging, the criticism, and the comparing is all too much. I do my best to take everything in constructively and sometimes I can’t.

I’m hurt. I’m mad.

I’m feeling hopeless.

b

LET ME THINK 25.

I’m in the middle of a week in photos entry. It’s taken me a while to sit down and get it done. There’s a lot going on in my life right now. I think I vented about it in my last post.

So many feelings and emotions. No one to really talk to about it. Blogging helps and so does listening to music. sweetener is giving me motivation and hope. Ariana is so good! I’m hoping to see her in concert soon.

I’m getting grey hairs. It’s not bad. Growing old is a privilege. So I’m thankful.

I went to Uniqlo three times last week. I’m stocking up on warm clothes. Mostly layering and scarves! Their beanies are cool too. I think it’s my favorite store right now. You can get everything there.

Anyway, I’m getting sleepy. Hoping to stay positive the rest of the week. I’m in an odd place, but I’m sure I’ll get out of it. Hope all is well.

b

LET ME THINK 24.

I drank way too much caffeine. This is why I almost always order everything decaf. Whoops.

I’m overwhelmed by my own thoughts. This is why I’m blogging it out. Change is on the horizon. It’s uncomfortable. It’s scary. But it’s absolutely necessary.

Staying away from a lot of social media. #sfgiants #duh #blah

I’m glad basketball is back. Yay! But I cannot with ESPN right now.

Brainstorming travel plans. We’ll see.

Okay, I’m getting tired. Good night.

b

LET ME THINK 23.

I’m currently dealing with insomnia. I mean I did nap for about 3 hours yesterday.

I haven’t been feeling the greatest. I dealt with a scratchy throat for most of the weekend. And now I’m dealing with cold symptoms. Not fun. My runny nose is annoying. I have some slight congestion. I have a bit of a tension headache right now. Ugh. I don’t have much energy.

I hope I feel better by the time I wake up. That’s if I can get a good night’s rest.

That’s my life update. There are so many other things going on, but this too shall pass. I know there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

Good night.

b

LET ME THINK 22.

I’m still processing the passing of my friend. I knew this time would come, but it was too soon.

I miss our conversations. Being able to connect with someone who also has the same heart condition gave me comfort. I didn’t feel so alone and misunderstood. There were shared frustrations and fears. Despite that, we were able to talk about tv, makeup, and food. It was nice. From there, we connected with other individuals like us. We became a community.

Her writing was strong. And I always resonated with it. When she mentions milestones, I totally get it. Some of those are (still) unattainable for me. At times, I can’t help but feel guilty, unloved, and envious of my peers. I always ask myself, “Why did my life turn out this way?” Sometimes I just overly obsess about it to no avail. Unfortunately, I still don’t have an answer.

I’ll continue to hold out hope for a cure. It is absolutely needed. I don’t want to hear about life expectancies and limitations. You create your own future. Your thoughts are powerful. And I’ll continue to keep going. This is my reality.

This quote is all over social media: “If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit.” I intend to do just that.

Can’t stop, won’t stop. #PHighters

b

Vacay!

Hello!

I’ve been MIA. I promise to have things in order and updated once I settle in from vacation and the start of the new school year.

I’ve missed blogging and updating folks. I have so many pictures to sort through.

Canada’s been so much fun with my family! Watch out for that update. I just finished packing up. Maple syrup everything!!! ☺️ And Tim Horton’s. Wow. I love you. Haha.

Good night to all!

b

LET ME THINK 21.

  1. Disneyland, you’re always so much fun! But I’m drained by the end of it. Until next time. ❤️
  2. My summer vacation is winding down. It’s almost back to school!
  3. I must catch up on blog entries. I’ve said it time and time again. I really do need to bounce back.
  4. I’ve watched To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before multiple times. I absolutely love the movie. I want my own Peter!!
  5. I’m pretty out of it. Time to sleep. Good night!

xoxo,

b

LET ME THINK 20.

There’s a lot going on, but it’s all good! One day at a time. 🙂

I’m doing my best to enjoy my time off! I love being busy, but we all need a break now and then.

I’m prepping for my medical procedure. Looking at the positives. I should be okay. But man, do I miss regular food. And wine 😛

Always a great time catching up with friends! So much positivity all around ❤️ I’m so grateful.

Well, this is good night. Happy weekend to all!!

b

Resting up.

Hi!

I just returned from Orlando. I’m catching up on other life things. I’d like to update the blog soon. I’m hoping to work on an entry tonight.

I’m still recovering from the car accident. Bruises are fading, but I’m still unable to put too much pressure on my knees. It hurts. 😦 Being in a vehicle has stressed me out. I’m reminded of what happened. It’s scary!!

Sally is still adjusting too. I hope she warms up to us soon.

Happy Friday!

b

Bruised and sore.

Here’s my update. I went through a lot this past weekend. It was actually terrifying.

We adopted a dog to add to the family on Saturday, 6/23. Her name is Sally. She’s a chihuahua, five years old, and was born with one eye. The other eye didn’t develop. 😦 She’s originally from the Central Valley. She’s very sweet, but still adjusting to her new environment. Anyway, after adopting her, we decided to go to Petco to buy a few things for her – a kennel, food dish & water bowl, a bed, and a toy. We were looking forward to getting home, but we never got there.

On our way home, my brother and I were involved in a car accident. We were 10 minutes away from home. We were at 23rd Street and South Van Ness. It was our light to go. As my brother attempted to make a left, this car is speeding from the left side and hits us. He pressed on the brakes as much as he could have. Our car is a tank, but a lot of the damage was in the front. I saw the bumper fly off. It was the first automobile accident that I’ve been involved in ever. It was really scary! And having the dogs there was even scarier, but they’re safe. I on the other hand had to be transported to the ER due to my underlying health conditions and I was bruised up pretty badly. I’ve got bruises on my knees, my chest, and overall soreness everywhere. I’m still dealing with it. It sucks! :/

X-Rays were ordered for my knee. Thankfully there was no fracture. I was able to go home after a few hours.

Our Subaru saved us just like in their commercials and I am eternally grateful. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to be attentive behind the wheel. Please stay away from all distractions, especially your phones. It can wait!!! I don’t drive enough in the city, but it’s always the other drivers. You can be the safest driver, but someone else can mess that up for you.

I’m recovering now and should be healed up for Orlando. I’m very excited! 🙂

Thank you so much to my cousin, Adrian for getting to the scene, the witnesses, and first responders.

Hope you all had a great weekend. Here’s to an awesome week!!

b