Isolation.

As of late, I’ve felt a void. I really miss my friend, Sarah. It hasn’t been the same since her passing.

I’ve been much more vocal with my own personal struggles with my chronic conditions. I think the first step is acceptance. When I was a teenager, I was so ashamed and in denial. I didn’t want anyone to know. I already felt different from my peers. It was tough trying to fit in and finding that group of friends that would support you through it all. As I got older, I found those people and to this day they still have my back. You know who you are. Thank you for all of your love, support, and affirmation through the years. Encouragement goes a long way! ❀

Sarah was a strong advocate for Lupus awareness. It’s reignited a lot inside of me to create more visibility and awareness. Many still don’t know what the condition is and what it does to a patient’s body. Especially the side effects of medication.Β Every patient is different. Some symptoms are shared. It really is a snowflake condition. There’s so much research being done to find that cure. But I’m hopeful. And I’ll continue to be.

I want to honor Sarah’s memory the best way that I can. I’m planning to participate in the Lupus walk this year. But it’s been tough. I miss sending her messages and checking in whenever we could. I definitely cherish all the college memories we had together. Thank you for reaching out first and most especially your friendship. I’ll never forget your kindness.

You’re truly missed, Sarah. ❀

b

Life stuff.

It’s been a heavy month for me. I’m still processing and grieving on my own terms. At times I’m sad and sometimes I’m okay. Grief isn’t linear.

I’m looking forward to April! So much happening, but I’m very excited.

I plan to continue on with my photo project this year. I just have to factory reset my laptop because I’m running out of space. I’m hoping I have everything backed up. That can be a bit tedious. 😬

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. I’ll be back!

Bernadette

P.S. Baseball is here! I’m so happy. Giants are in LA the next few days. BEAT LA!!! πŸ™‚

RIP Sarah. πŸ’œ

I’ve been processing so much in the last 24 hours. I’m so sad. Today was a heavy day for me, but I went about with my routine. I thought of you throughout the day.

Ultimately, I just want to say thank you. When I transferred to UC Davis, it took a lot of adjustment with upper division classes, making friends, socializing, and getting used to Davis itself. When Kengar connected us, I was grateful. I didn’t feel so isolated and I had someone to lean on about everything. Thank you for reaching out. I still remember chatting on FB Messenger and sharing our stories with each other.

I’ll remember the Lupus walks we participated in together. It was empowering to be in that shared space. Your advocacy was inspiring. The picture above was the last walk we did together before you went off to SD and then Hawaii. Social media kept us connected. Even from afar, you were a cheerleader!

You’ve impacted my life in so many ways. I’ll miss your presence, your smile, and especially your laugh. Thank you again for your friendship. You’ll truly be missed. Rest well, beautiful warrior. I love you. πŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œπŸ’œ #LupusWarriors

Bernadette

Healing.

It’s been a week of solitude. I’ve also been around my sisters a lot. They give me STRENGTH.

I’m healing in many ways. I’ve decided to reach out to my therapist again. It’s nice to have another voice you can reason with, whether you’re dealing with the good or the bad. It felt great to reconnect again!

I’m looking through my pictures and hoping to start posting again. Slowly getting back to my usual routine. I hope everyone’s been doing well!

I’d also like to mention Natalie Corona, a rookie officer who was killed in Davis a few days ago. Davis has a special place in my heart. So many college memories! I couldn’t believe it when I heard the news on social media. Gone too soon. Thank you for your service. RIP. ❀

It’s a new week! Hoping to tackle a lot. I’ve been watching Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. Her folding methods are awesome! Haha.

Sending you all good vibes!

b

LET ME THINK 29.

I’m not in a good place right now. 2019 just started and there’s too much going on.

Mental health is important and I’m taking steps to take care of myself holistically. These last few days have been difficult. Being belittled and feeling insignificant is damning.

But I’m taking my power back.

I’ll be on hiatus for now. I still want to complete what’s left of my 2018 weekly photo entries. But I’m quite broken and incomplete. I just need time to myself.

Thanks and see y’all on the other side!

b

Farewell 2018, Hello 2019!

2018 was a trip. So many new experiences, places visited, and changes. We dealt with a lot of loss. It’s sad and heartbreaking, but it’s all part of the circle of life.

Loss always teaches me a lesson. The lesson from 2018: to love. Affection and all of that is what I want, but I ultimately don’t know how to do that. For example: hugging folks. If it’s reciprocated, sure. But if I’m the giver of it, I find myself being odd & awkward. I guess it’s just practice. Being willing to be open minded.

Reconnecting was another theme for 2018. We were so out of the loop, then we finally resurfaced. At the end of the day, family is all you have. Not everyone will see eye to eye, but somehow you gotta make it work. And even if it’s from a distance or full on separation, it’s important to respect each other no matter what. That’s growth.

I’m going to keep this short. I’m just going to continue to work hard, practice gratitude, and uplift myself through the good and bad. Growth is what I always strive for. I’m looking forward to 2019! Adventure is out there.

Peace and love,

b

Merry Christmas Eve!

Hello to the world and my readers!

I’ve been MIA. Apologies!! The family and I have been busy preparing for the holidays. I can’t believe Christmas is almost here! I’m currently on holiday break. I’ve been able to sleep in, clean, hang out with the dogs, and watch a lot of The Simpsons on repeat. It’s so nice to just kick back and relax.

I went to my first 49ers game at Levi’s Stadium yesterday. I loved it! It’s a different vibe from baseball, but thumbs up. I’ll include that day during my weekly update. I’m quite behind with my photos. I’m hoping to be all caught up before the New Year! It can be done.

An updated entry will be up soon. Thank you for your patience.

Happy Holidays to you and yours. Eat, drink, and be merry! Sending you all so much love.

b