The final days.

I didn’t think we’d be saying goodbye so soon. Beari’s cancer has spread and we’re out of options. I wish we had more time, but we had five great years together.

We’re planning for her best week ever! The beach, her fave foods, and whatever else we can think of to send her off.

Losing a pet is never easy. But seeing her in pain is really tough. 😭

I wish her peace and comfort. We love you, Beari. ❤️🐻❤️

I am broken.

b

Depressed.

I’ve always been one to hide my depression. I’ll usually play it off as anxiety. These last two weeks, I’ve dealt with high functioning depression. I’m pretty much on autopilot and faking a smile.

We have a very sick dog at home and I’m feeling helpless. She needs surgery, but we can’t finance it! So what do we do next? 😭💔 It hurts my head and heart thinking about potential scenarios. She’s still very much aware. She’s just in pain. I want to scream!!!!! AHHHHHHH. 😫

I feel hopeless too. I try to stay optimistic but as of late I don’t feel or think it.

Doing my best to hold on. I’m absolutely terrified.

Please keep me and my family in your thoughts. We definitely need lots of prayers. Thank you!

Good night.

b

We need your help!

Beari needs another surgery due to a broken hip. We found out a week ago and we’re just devastated! It might be cancer related. Posting her GoFundMe page again.

If you are able, please donate to our cause! I’ve been a hot mess. I’m sad, depressed, and feeling hopeless.

We just want her to be okay. She’s been through so much. 😭🐻❤️ We love you, Beari.

Thank you.

b

Triggered.

Don’t ever comment on someone’s physical appearance! This happened to me at work yesterday. You’re a shit person if you do that. This person isn’t aware of my own personal health struggles. And I don’t care to inform her because it’s none of her damn business. I’ve always dealt with self-esteem issues even before I got sick. It doesn’t cost a thing to be kind!

I am strong. I am worthy! I’m proud of myself. 💜

b

Sick.

I returned from Boston on Monday. I started to lose my voice that night. I was on vocal rest for a few days. Returned to work on Thursday and doing my best to get healthy! I tested myself for Covid and it came back negative. Doing another PCR test later.

I’m still coughing which sucks. Tea and throat drops are helping. I just want my normal voice back!

I’ve been quite tired too and I need to catch up on school work. Still going through vacation pics and trying to figure out which ones to share. It takes me forever.

Had a good therapy session! Cut it short because of my throat. I hope I’m in the clear in about a week.

Following postseason baseball on Twitter and the MLB app. BEAT LA 😎

I can’t stay awake anymore. Good night.

b

Boston 2022.

I’m in Boston for the next few days to catch up with my college friends. I’ve been so tired and overwhelmed. It’s tough balancing school and work. Doing my best to succeed in both!

I’ll try not to think of my responsibilities at home. I’m also worrying about Beari. 😞

The flight to Boston went well. I ended up just sleeping for most of it. I didn’t get Cheez-It’s because I was napping. I’m craving them now. Lol.

It was an adventure trying to find which terminal to board for ride sharing, traffic, dropping off my belongings at the hotel, more traffic and then off to Fenway Park.

The game was a lot of fun. I only caught the last 4 innings. Ordered a Fenway frank and a Coke. Took a bunch of pics. And then it started to rain again. I’ll miss baseball. Hoping the Giants land big names in the off season. PLS!!!!

Got a pizza slice at Sal’s Pizza. It was really good! Plain cheese isn’t bad. I wanted pepperoni though. Maybe later this week!

I’m ready to ko. Need to shower and I plan to get breakfast tomorrow morning. Hope y’all had a nice day! Take care. 💜

Good night.

b

⚾️🥵

Baseball is my escape. Bummed that the season is winding down, but it is what it is. Looking forward to football! 7 more days. Niners!!!

Went to the Giants game with my friends. We won!!! Couldn’t stay in our seats though. Too hot!

It was Alaska voucher day. I’m trying to figure out where to go and when. I’m leaning towards Hawaii. I miss the islands! Haven’t been since 2004. Would love to return. I’ll be very respectful to the land.

There’s a lot on my plate, but taking it day by day. We’re still fundraising for Beari’s chemo and it’s been really slow. I’m grateful for any amount people are able to donate. We gotta get creative, but I’m not sure how.

I’m super sleepy. I took a nap earlier, but it didn’t really help.

It’s warming up in the SF Bay Area. Thankfully SF will be decent compared to inland temps. I cannot! Please stay cool and hydrated. 🌊 We’re a few weeks away from the fall! I’ll miss the summer, but I’m ready for everything pumpkin. 😋🎃

Wishing you all a great week! Take care.

b

Back again.

Last weekend I attended Outside Lands! I haven’t been back since 2009. I was so happy and excited to be back again. I spent the day with my sister. We listened to amazing music, ate awesome food, and enjoyed the weather! (We just got exposure notifications for Covid yesterday! So we tested at home and it’s negative. We were masked for most of the festival so🤞). I plan to get tested again.

Planet Booty was fun to listen to as we ate lunch. I was most excited for Griff! We walked over to her set as soon as we were done eating. I wasn’t front row, but I was close enough. This was her first American music festival. I’d love to see her in the UK one of these days. Bummed I didn’t get to meet my friends, but there’s always next time.

We ended up staying for Pusha T’s entire set. I had to sit down and mellow out. I was waiting for Weezer!!! 🥰 They were incredible. I wasn’t in front for that either, but that’s okay. We decided to eat before the last few sets. Quesabirria tacos 😋 So good!

We split our time between ILLENIUM and Post Malone. Glad we caught both! I love live music. Planning to attend again next year, but it depends on the lineup. It was a successful OSL! I’ll share more pics in another post.

Just really thankful I was able to experience it again. 💜

Happy Thursday to all!

b

My escape.

Sports has always been my saving grace. It was nice to be back at the yard! The Giants did very well. They almost blew it in the end. Perfect day for Will Clark’s retirement number ceremony.

I did have to unmask for a bit while I ate. I’ll probably test myself in a few days. No one around us was masked. Big yikes!!! 😳

It’s been tough these last two weeks, but we’re still standing. I’ll remain hopeful and I’ll continue to pray. My faith guiding me through this very difficult time. Send some love to our darling dog, Bear. ❤️🐻❤️

I’m clean and I’m ready to just unwind before I sleep. Thankful I’m off tomorrow.

Go Giants!!!! 🖤🧡

Good night.

b