For Lolo.

I feel compelled to write before bed. Yes, I’m tired and not feeling the greatest, but I came across his program tonight. Brought back many memories, happy & sad. ❀️

—–

I am Bernadette Bonifacio, the granddaughter of the great Hermogenes V. Datu.

I’ll always remember tuning into Jeopardy to watch with you, even if it was for a few days out of the week.

I’ll remember you turning the page as you read the daily newspaper.

I’ll remember your daily walks with Lola around the neighborhood. It was stop and go anytime you saw a baby or toddler with their family.

I’ll remember your consumption of Hershey’s Kisses after a meal. Passing a few over to us just because.

I’ll remember attempting to teach you how to operate a cellphone. You really tried. It made me laugh.

I’ll remember how you wanted to look at every picture from Dad’s camera making sure you had the perfect smile. 😊❀️

I’ll remember the music and how you always loved to dance. Please save me a waltz!

I’ll remember your stories as you grew up in the Philippines.

Lastly, I’ll always remember your laughter, your kindness, your strength, and your bravery to move to a country and start anew.

Thank you for everything, Lolo. I love you.

b

Lacking inspiration.

Hiiii!

I’m better! Thank you, antibiotics. On another note, I’m dealing with some pain. It’s been lingering since I came down with a terrible cold back in May. I’m a little worried, but I must be brave. πŸ’ͺ🏼

It’s summer vacay and I’ve been off the grid. I’m catching up on sleep and TV. Movies too! I’m hoping to find my inspiration again with photography. I think I discussed this in my previous posts. I can’t even remember! 😬 This year has been trying. It feels like too much. It’s isolating. These feelings aren’t new. It’s chronic. I speak to my therapist every few weeks. I think my body is still in shock. It’s lonely. It’s scary. But I remain hopeful. Always.

That’s my short update. Baseball is keeping me afloat and spending time with doggies.

Here’s to a lovely weekend! ❀️

b

Isolation.

As of late, I’ve felt a void. I really miss my friend, Sarah. It hasn’t been the same since her passing.

I’ve been much more vocal with my own personal struggles with my chronic conditions. I think the first step is acceptance. When I was a teenager, I was so ashamed and in denial. I didn’t want anyone to know. I already felt different from my peers. It was tough trying to fit in and finding that group of friends that would support you through it all. As I got older, I found those people and to this day they still have my back. You know who you are. Thank you for all of your love, support, and affirmation through the years. Encouragement goes a long way! ❀

Sarah was a strong advocate for Lupus awareness. It’s reignited a lot inside of me to create more visibility and awareness. Many still don’t know what the condition is and what it does to a patient’s body. Especially the side effects of medication.Β Every patient is different. Some symptoms are shared. It really is a snowflake condition. There’s so much research being done to find that cure. But I’m hopeful. And I’ll continue to be.

I want to honor Sarah’s memory the best way that I can. I’m planning to participate in the Lupus walk this year. But it’s been tough. I miss sending her messages and checking in whenever we could. I definitely cherish all the college memories we had together. Thank you for reaching out first and most especially your friendship. I’ll never forget your kindness.

You’re truly missed, Sarah. ❀

b

Healing.

It’s been a week of solitude. I’ve also been around my sisters a lot. They give me STRENGTH.

I’m healing in many ways. I’ve decided to reach out to my therapist again. It’s nice to have another voice you can reason with, whether you’re dealing with the good or the bad. It felt great to reconnect again!

I’m looking through my pictures and hoping to start posting again. Slowly getting back to my usual routine. I hope everyone’s been doing well!

I’d also like to mention Natalie Corona, a rookie officer who was killed in Davis a few days ago. Davis has a special place in my heart. So many college memories! I couldn’t believe it when I heard the news on social media. Gone too soon. Thank you for your service. RIP. ❀

It’s a new week! Hoping to tackle a lot. I’ve been watching Tidying Up with Marie Kondo. Her folding methods are awesome! Haha.

Sending you all good vibes!

b

LET ME THINK 23.

I’m currently dealing with insomnia. I mean I did nap for about 3 hours yesterday.

I haven’t been feeling the greatest. I dealt with a scratchy throat for most of the weekend. And now I’m dealing with cold symptoms. Not fun. My runny nose is annoying. I have some slight congestion. I have a bit of a tension headache right now. Ugh. I don’t have much energy.

I hope I feel better by the time I wake up. That’s if I can get a good night’s rest.

That’s my life update. There are so many other things going on, but this too shall pass. I know there’s light at the end of the tunnel.

Good night.

b

LET ME THINK 17.

I’m gonna switch this one up a bit. Anyway, I’m sleepy, but I can’t sleep. Not until I get this off of my chest.

Am I hard to love? Am I looking for love in all of the wrong places? Am I being proactive about love? Some of the many questions that go on in my anxiety filled mind.

I think I do my best to be my most genuine self and sometimes it still doesn’t feel enough. I feel like putting myself out there will just be disappointing every time. Am I not opening myself up enough? I have my reservations. I’ve been hurt in the past, so my walls are very high. I might’ve mentioned this in a previous entry. I easily am hurt when people disrespect me. At times, I feel like I’m not being taken seriously. On top of that, I’ve encountered people who pose as your wing person only to have them betray you. I understand that everyone isn’t the same, but that one incident stung. I really thought I could trust her. I revisit it a lot and I wish I could’ve done it differently. Instead of telling her that it was okay. Because it wasn’t.

In the words of Kylo Ren, “Let the past die.” Oh believe me, I’m trying.

Now I’m ready to sleep.

Good night.

b

Some thoughts.

It’s been a weird week for me. I feel off. I’m dealing with all of this other stuff too, but it should be resolved in due time.

January just flew by. I am excited for this week because we’ll be celebrating Mom’s birthday! Should be a wonderful time. πŸ™‚

There’s rain in the forecast. I’m waiting for spring. Come on!!

We just ordered DoorDash. Lol. #junkfood But I’ve been good about my exercise. Yay!

That’s my small update. Will post my weekly entry later.

Good night to all.

b