Day 18.

I slept the day away. I was listening to music in between naps. I’ve been pretty run down. I’m allowing my body to rest. I’m on social media a few hours a day. Trying to disconnect as much as I can.

I’m in the middle of Bridget Jones’s Baby. I like it so far. Planning to finish it before I sleep tonight.

I also listened to Ariana Grande’s first album Yours Truly on vinyl. Finally! I’ve been waiting since I returned from London in January. I kept putting it off because of work and whatnot. Sounds amazing! 🙂

Shelter in place will be extended until May 1st. We can all do this together, but apart. Be safe and well! SF ❤️

I haven’t been feeling the greatest today. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Good night.

b

Day 17.

I’m going to keep this short. I slept for most of the day. I’ve been super tired. I’m grieving with the world. 💔

Hoping for a better week – regardless of if I’m productive or not. Rest is so important right now. Before this shelter in place, I was already quite familiar with resting throughout the day. I consider myself a nap queen! Seriously. If it was ever a sport, sign me up! 😂

Chipotle filled my belly today. I didn’t eat too much. It’s the fatigue.

I’m trying to be creative at this time. I’ve been brainstorming a lot. We’ll see what comes of it.

Peace and love.

b

London 2019-2020.

I really miss London right now. I had so much fun! And we didn’t get to fully do everything on our list. I’d love to return in a few years time. Plenty of friends over there.

I miss the hustle and bustle of the city. I miss the snacks especially the crisps and chocolate. Bangers and mash too!

I miss traveling – domestic and international. I’ll continue to wait, but adventure is out there. I’ll take advantage of adventure any day. Once we all get through this pandemic, I won’t waste a day.

Time to sleep. I’ve been a night owl all week. That’s gotta change. And I have so many pics from this tour I haven’t been able to upload and share. Sit tight.

Peace and love.

b

Day 16.

I’ve got a new avatar for my blog! Thank you to keeshuuu. She’s so talented! I love it.

So I slept the day away. Woo! I’ve just been tired and drained. I’ve been reading stuff online that what we’re all feeling is grief. I totally agree. Speaking for myself, it’s a loss of independence. I’ve always been immunocompromised, but this pandemic has heightened my response. I’ve stayed in my room for many days now. I can’t be around anyone who is under the weather. I just miss doing my own things. I won’t ever take those things for granted. It’s always the little things that mean a lot to me. I’m glad I have a space to call my own and type my thoughts out here.

Bought my uke! It won’t be delivered for another few weeks, but I’m really excited to learn. I’ve already got some songs on my list. But I gotta get the basics down first. Yay!

I’m almost done with Broad City. 😭 Chloe told me about it a few years ago. We haven’t seen each other in so long. We got to catch up a bit on IG. I wished her well.

I’m also rewatching The Lizzie McGuire Movie. She’s the same age as me. Reminds me of better times. I just wish my teenage years were memorable. Some of it is, but the other parts sucked. I always fell for an idiot. None of those people matter anymore. I think I’m much more refined now. 😂 I also watched a few episodes of Step By Step again. Cody always makes me laugh and Dana rules!

That sums up my Saturday. Shout out to the kid sister for making dinner. Fried spam, eggs, garlic rice, and banana ketchup for dip. Perfection. That’ll be the featured image for the entry.

Hope everyone is well. Later!

b

Day 15.

TGIF! We made it. I stayed up watching Step By Step. Lol. Childhood memories. And then I eventually fell asleep. Woke up to messages from family, friends, and work. Closure will extend to May 1st. I’ve got a lot of free time on my hands now.

I’m hoping to learn the uke now. I need to find a good beginner one. I’m doing some research and I’m already trying to figure out chords.

I’m trying my best to disconnect from social media, but it’s hard because family and friends are on there. People tagging you left and right. Lol.

I’ll keep this entry short. And I just want to sincerely thank those on the front lines: doctors, nurses, everyone in the healthcare field, grocery store workers, delivery persons, and all essential employees! Also to those who have donated medical supplies and sewed masks. You are our heroes! #stayhome

Enjoy the rest of your night. Later!

b

Day 14.

It’s been two weeks. I’m doing okay. Everything is repetitive, but I can’t complain. I’m at home where we have access to water, electricity, food, and facilities. All of that is a blessing. ❤️

I’ve been thinking a lot about enamel pins. I’m hoping to design one for a good cause. I haven’t figured out what it’ll look like. Things are brewing and it’s a process. I’ll continue to be patient with myself.

I slept a lot today. I woke up at a decent time, but decided to nap twice. Lol. I’m okay with that. I also watched another episode of Broad City. Abbi and Ilana are BFF goals. Haha.

Traveling dreams are real. I went through my camera roll looking at pictures from our family visit to Canada in 2018. Good times. I miss flying. I miss discovering new places. This too shall pass, but until then I’ll continue looking at pictures to remind me of better days ahead.

And I want to learn the uke! I’m looking for a nice beginner one to purchase. I played the piano for two years when I was a teen and I was in choir in high school. Other than that, I don’t have a lot of background in music. There’s always time to learn something new. I’m looking forward to it! 🙂

And Happy Air Max Day! I love Nike. ☺️

That was my Thursday. Thanks for reading!

b

LET ME THINK 32.

Maintaining friendships has always been a challenge for me. I think a lot of it just stems from my own anxiety and just feeling disconnected. We constantly move through so many spaces. And I’ve been thinking about this a lot since the shelter in place.

People change and they are allowed to elevate themselves. We’re never really the same people. These past friendships did serve me a purpose. And if I can think of one word to connect all of them it would be growth. Some friendships have expiration dates and I’ve accepted that. But I do yearn for what was. I’ve always been nostalgic and reflect on the past. I don’t stay there. I guess you can consider it a pit stop.

During this pandemic, it’s allowed me to hold my loved ones dear. I miss my family and my friends. But the connection is still there. I’d like to continue that with folks from my past. Even if it’s just a text saying hello. I think now more than ever, we all need connection.

What an uncertain time, but all we can do is just go with it.

That’s my spiel. Later!

b

Day 13.

I’m feeling a bit better today. Clarity. And a nice nap helped me out. After many delays, my medication is now in my hands. Thank goodness! I’m so very grateful to my medical team for always being clutch. They really are miracle workers! Shoutout to my pharmacy too for being so patient and helpful with me when I was super upset. That happened yesterday. I already feel better after taking my regular dose. Lastly, thank you to UPS. It was tough, but y’all pulled through during these chaotic times.

I’m also super grateful to my supportive friends and family for letting me vent and checking in. Hi Bianca, Jamie, and Brea! 💕

Broad City is bringing all the laughs. The final season! I’ve got five more episodes to watch. I’ll space it out. 🙂 Gotta be productive these next few days. It doesn’t have to be big tasks. Progress is progress. I’m thinking of taking up a new hobby. Yay!

Hope all your Wednesdays went well. I’m still pretty tired. The stress these last few days have been unreal, but I made it.

Until next time. Good night!

b

Day 12.

Invalidation. That’s all I need to say right now. This day has taken an emotional toll on me. You think people have your back, but at the end of the day they don’t. “Because it isn’t cancer.” What a dumb thing to say. Ignorance at its finest and quite offensive. This isn’t the time to pin health conditions against each other. Every condition matters and we fall into the vulnerable population during this pandemic. In solidarity with all of you. ❤️

I wish I could run away, but there’s nowhere to go.

I’m mad. I’m frustrated, I’m anxious. I’m scared.

Good night.

b

LET ME THINK 31.

It’s been a while since I’ve done this. I’m writing to let go of my anxiety. I’m feeling miserable about myself. I’m trying to breathe. Trying to be rational. But my overthinking always gets the best of me. I hate it.

I’m in dire need of my heart medication. I’ve never been without it. I’m so upset. I’ve cried a bit. When I’m overwhelmed, I cry.

Holding onto hope. There’s so much going on in the world, but this medication is essential to my wellbeing. I’m scared. I’ve contacted my team, I’m in touch with the pharmacy, and I will give UPS a call in the morning.

You’re swamped. I get it. But I’m on the road to getting myself more sick if I don’t take my meds. The life of a chronic condition patient. I don’t have anything to hide. This has been my life since I was 17 and then diagnosed with my heart condition at 20. This pandemic just reemphasizes the struggles of chronic condition patients. This is our reality. Whenever this pandemic passes, our realities remain the same. Struggle and survival.

I’m going to try to sleep, but I don’t know if I can.

b