Grief.

I can remember a relative passing away when I was 12. It was my first real glimpse with death. I can also recall our first pet’s passing. It was a cold and rainy day in January. She was too young. 😭

It’s normal. As you age, the people around you get older and pass on. I lost three grandparents in the 2010s. As a young adult, the loss was palpable. I was sad, angry, and in disbelief. I’ve come to terms with it a decade later, but the void never leaves me. The same can be said about family pets.

Losing Beari has suffocated me at times. I didn’t want to let go, but euthanasia was the best for her. I’m still so angry because cancer took her away from us. I just picked up her chew toys in my room. I miss her so much. Her scent lingers at home. The silence is deafening. I miss her barks. I miss her companionship. I miss everything! 🥺 This is an adjustment period. It’d be nice to take in another dog, but I’m not ready. We’re not ready.

Her birthday is almost here. We’d like to have a special meal for her and maybe some cupcakes to celebrate her life. Change comes with the territory. I’m doing my best to adapt. Owning a pet is one of the greatest feelings in the world! But saying goodbye is the hardest part.

I love you, Beari. ❤️🐻❤️

b

Depressed.

I’ve always been one to hide my depression. I’ll usually play it off as anxiety. These last two weeks, I’ve dealt with high functioning depression. I’m pretty much on autopilot and faking a smile.

We have a very sick dog at home and I’m feeling helpless. She needs surgery, but we can’t finance it! So what do we do next? 😭💔 It hurts my head and heart thinking about potential scenarios. She’s still very much aware. She’s just in pain. I want to scream!!!!! AHHHHHHH. 😫

I feel hopeless too. I try to stay optimistic but as of late I don’t feel or think it.

Doing my best to hold on. I’m absolutely terrified.

Please keep me and my family in your thoughts. We definitely need lots of prayers. Thank you!

Good night.

b

⚾️🥵

Baseball is my escape. Bummed that the season is winding down, but it is what it is. Looking forward to football! 7 more days. Niners!!!

Went to the Giants game with my friends. We won!!! Couldn’t stay in our seats though. Too hot!

It was Alaska voucher day. I’m trying to figure out where to go and when. I’m leaning towards Hawaii. I miss the islands! Haven’t been since 2004. Would love to return. I’ll be very respectful to the land.

There’s a lot on my plate, but taking it day by day. We’re still fundraising for Beari’s chemo and it’s been really slow. I’m grateful for any amount people are able to donate. We gotta get creative, but I’m not sure how.

I’m super sleepy. I took a nap earlier, but it didn’t really help.

It’s warming up in the SF Bay Area. Thankfully SF will be decent compared to inland temps. I cannot! Please stay cool and hydrated. 🌊 We’re a few weeks away from the fall! I’ll miss the summer, but I’m ready for everything pumpkin. 😋🎃

Wishing you all a great week! Take care.

b

Day 310.

Happy Saturday! Happy Birthday to our little darling, Beari and to Aaliyah!! 🥳🎂💗

  • I didn’t do much today. Yesterday took most of my energy, so I decided to rest.
  • I watched some football. Packers are moving on so that’s cool. Wish the Niners were in it! 😭
  • Still trying to figure out when to buy the rare beauty foundation. I want to try it! I’ve been matched, but I’m not to sure how accurate it’ll be. 🥴
  • I slept a lot. The long weekends do that to me.
  • So much good food and snacks at home. I’m always thankful for a full refrigerator.
  • Might watch a movie tonight. I also need to read.
  • Been listening to Aaliyah’s music for the last hour. She’s truly missed! RIP Babygirl. 🤍
  • Hope y’all had a nice Saturday!!

Good night.

b

Day 294.

Happy Thursday! I can’t believe it’s New Year’s Eve!!! 😱

Here are some memories from 2020:

  • Spent the first few days of 2020 in London! I miss traveling. 😭 That would be my only flight of the year.
  • The Super Bowl and celebrating our birthday all of February! Our visit to Yosemite was a highlight. Life would change drastically a few weeks later.
  • One final happy hour in March. Then the world shut down. 💔
  • Invested most of my time playing Animal Crossing and I learned the uke!
  • I watched so many tv shows and movies. My sleep schedule was all over the place.
  • Grateful for everything in life especially my health, family, friends, work, and safety.
  • I’ll even put online dating down. 😂 It didn’t work out, but it was a life lesson.
  • Pinayista! 🇵🇭❤️
  • The election! 🇺🇸

It’s been a ride. Here’s to 2021! Please stay safe and be well. 🥳🥂💜

I cooked and I baked today. Beari was also coughing. I hope she’s okay. Felt the mini earthquake this morning too.

Btw the paper crown I’m wearing is from London. I decided to bring it back with me since I didn’t get to wear it last NYE. It’s cute! 👸🏻

This is good night. I’m so sleepy right now, but I gotta make it to midnight. I’m about to play Animal Crossing too. 🥰

Good night!

b

Day 69.

Happy National Dog Rescue Day! ❤️ Rescue dogs are the best. Our dear Sal, we love you.

Animal Crossing has been consuming a lot of my time. I’m still figuring out what to do throughout my island. I don’t want to overthink it. Takes the fun away.

Happy Birthday, IZ! I was practicing Somewhere Over The Rainbow for a while today. I even recorded audio to listen to what I need to fix. Switching can be challenging, but it’s not impossible. 🌈 I also want to greet my uncle a Happy Birthday! 🙂🇨🇦

I washed dishes, did laundry, and tidied things up. Cleaning is fun. I didn’t even nap. I was a trouper today! 🙂

Lastly, our dog’s liver condition is progressing a bit. So she must take antibiotics on top of what she’s already taking. We’re thinking of including milk thistle with some of her meals. I hope it works. She’s only 3. We’re going to do as much as we can for her. I’m going to stay positive.

We’re going to watch Gordon Ramsey’s 24 Hours To Hell And Back to end the night. It’s a great show!

Hope you all had a good day.

Good night.

b

Day 7.

The days are blending together, but I’m doing my best to keep myself busy. I washed the dishes today! It’s my favorite chore. 🙂 I’m hoping to organize things tomorrow.

It’s nice looking out the window. The sky was so blue and the clouds were pretty. Btw, it’s been 3 years since Beari came into our lives. Thankful for our chihuahua rascal. 🐻

Wingstop and boba for linner. What a combo! I’ll miss boba for sure. Small businesses are closing and it’s making me sad. I’m hopeful during these times. I’ll continue to make the best of everything.

I even got to chat with our BFF via my watch. It was nice to catch up for a bit. Texting friends & family is keeping me sane. Social media helps, but I’m hoping to start reducing my screen time.

Expect more updates from me. Planning to take instant pics of family and the dogs in a few days. ❤️ Time for Mario Party!! ☺️

Be safe, well, and kind! And Happy Spring!! 🌸

b

MY WEEK IN PHOTOS: JUNE 18-24, 2018.

It’s my first full week of summer vacation! It’s odd to say that. I miss work, but I definitely need the time off. 😛

I think the highlight(s) of my week would have to be taking Dad to his first Giants game and adopting Sally. Despite the car accident, I’m glad my family and I are okay. I still get uneasy being in a vehicle, but fear shouldn’t stop me. Especially because we didn’t cause it.

To the pictures!

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