Grief.

I can remember a relative passing away when I was 12. It was my first real glimpse with death. I can also recall our first pet’s passing. It was a cold and rainy day in January. She was too young. 😭

It’s normal. As you age, the people around you get older and pass on. I lost three grandparents in the 2010s. As a young adult, the loss was palpable. I was sad, angry, and in disbelief. I’ve come to terms with it a decade later, but the void never leaves me. The same can be said about family pets.

Losing Beari has suffocated me at times. I didn’t want to let go, but euthanasia was the best for her. I’m still so angry because cancer took her away from us. I just picked up her chew toys in my room. I miss her so much. Her scent lingers at home. The silence is deafening. I miss her barks. I miss her companionship. I miss everything! 🥺 This is an adjustment period. It’d be nice to take in another dog, but I’m not ready. We’re not ready.

Her birthday is almost here. We’d like to have a special meal for her and maybe some cupcakes to celebrate her life. Change comes with the territory. I’m doing my best to adapt. Owning a pet is one of the greatest feelings in the world! But saying goodbye is the hardest part.

I love you, Beari. ❤️🐻❤️

b

Lacking inspiration.

Hiiii!

I’m better! Thank you, antibiotics. On another note, I’m dealing with some pain. It’s been lingering since I came down with a terrible cold back in May. I’m a little worried, but I must be brave. 💪🏼

It’s summer vacay and I’ve been off the grid. I’m catching up on sleep and TV. Movies too! I’m hoping to find my inspiration again with photography. I think I discussed this in my previous posts. I can’t even remember! 😬 This year has been trying. It feels like too much. It’s isolating. These feelings aren’t new. It’s chronic. I speak to my therapist every few weeks. I think my body is still in shock. It’s lonely. It’s scary. But I remain hopeful. Always.

That’s my short update. Baseball is keeping me afloat and spending time with doggies.

Here’s to a lovely weekend! ❤️

b