Month: March 2020

LET ME THINK 31.

It’s been a while since I’ve done this. I’m writing to let go of my anxiety. I’m feeling miserable about myself. I’m trying to breathe. Trying to be rational. But my overthinking always gets the best of me. I hate it.

I’m in dire need of my heart medication. I’ve never been without it. I’m so upset. I’ve cried a bit. When I’m overwhelmed, I cry.

Holding onto hope. There’s so much going on in the world, but this medication is essential to my wellbeing. I’m scared. I’ve contacted my team, I’m in touch with the pharmacy, and I will give UPS a call in the morning.

You’re swamped. I get it. But I’m on the road to getting myself more sick if I don’t take my meds. The life of a chronic condition patient. I don’t have anything to hide. This has been my life since I was 17 and then diagnosed with my heart condition at 20. This pandemic just reemphasizes the struggles of chronic condition patients. This is our reality. Whenever this pandemic passes, our realities remain the same. Struggle and survival.

I’m going to try to sleep, but I don’t know if I can.

b

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Day 11.

I haven’t been sleeping at all. I stayed awake to see if there was a delivery update for my medication. At first it said yes, out for delivery! And then an hour or two later it said it’s been delayed. Lots of conflicting information. I get that couriers are swamped, but as I’ve communicated on social media – I’m waiting for medication, not an article of clothing.

I eventually fell asleep. I ended up missing two calls regarding my package. I’m hoping it gets here by end of day. I’m completely out of my medication. I went TWO days without it so I could ration. I felt like complete crap going off of it. This is the life of a chronic condition patient during these unprecedented times. I shouldn’t have to worry about this. I’m frustrated and annoyed. I did everything on my end. So I’m pleading to pls be clutch and get it to me today.

This is why I’ve been lacking productivity. I have no energy whatsoever. I’m just anxious all the time. It’s currently 6:47pm PDT. Still hoping for good news. And this is my rant of the day. Fin.

And please follow your government’s orders. Continue to stay at home so we can flatten the curve!

Lastly, Happy 1st Birthday, Jacob! We miss you. Sending you lots of love. 🥳❤️

Be well.

b

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Day 10.

It was a really mellow Sunday for me. I slept a lot and I woke up to eat. Nourishment is important. 🙂 I had toast with peanut butter, a banana, and decaf Tim Hortons coffee.

I rewatched the 2016 NCAA National Championship – Villanova vs. UNC. Still so epic! One of the best games I’ve ever seen.

And then I took a nap. Much needed. Had dinner a little late, but it was worth it. I had an instant pho bowl. We got it from Costco. Pretty legit. Finished leftovers from Wingstop.

I’m hoping to have a much more productive week. I wish you all well.

Good night.

b

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Day 9.

I really thought it was day 10. LOL. Like I said, the days are just blending together. I’m losing count. Typical Saturday for me. I didn’t sleep well because I was worried about my medication delivery. It’s being held at a center here in the city, so I’m hoping it’ll be out for delivery again on Monday. From what I’m told, it was some kind of an emergency. I hope everything is okay. Thank you, UPS for delivering! This hasn’t happened to me before, but I understand. It’s the new normal for everyone.

I’m planning to figure out my routine in the next few days. I find myself to be more productive when I’m dressed and ready for the day. I just gotta put it into practice. Nothing compares to a cozy & warm bed though. Netflix is my fallback too. My screen time is horrendous. I’m putting that out into the world.

I rewatched a bit of Lost in Translation. It’s the next best thing. We’ll all eventually get to see Japan. But until then, movies, tv, and books will have to do.

I got my Cadbury chocolate! Easter candy, woo!! 🙂 Target was clutch with the online orders. It’s such a good alternative to leaving the house. I’m a freaking hermit nowadays.

Highlight of my day: catching up with friends on Zoom! It was nice to see what everyone is up to during this shelter in place. We’re all on the same boat. We can get through this together! Cheers to video games especially Nintendo! And a shoutout to Bern. We missed you! Hope dinner was delicious. Catch you next time.

Screen Shot 2020-03-21 at 8.52.24 PM
I need a good night’s sleep. I’m ready, haha.

Be safe and well! ❤

b

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Day 8.

Hope is still alive! I’ve been restless. Didn’t sleep well at all. Doing my best to keep my anxiety at bay.

I cleaned a bit today, but I’m planning to do more tomorrow. I’m just worried about my medicine delivery. It was originally supposed to arrive by the end of the day, but now there’s a delay. I hope it arrives tomorrow. I’ve reached out to customer service. The odd thing is that it’s already in the city. I understand the current situation at hand, but the medication is essential to my wellbeing. I don’t want to stress.

I miss my family and friends so I dedicated a post to them on my personal IG. The love is reciprocated. We’ll get through this together! 💕

Photography is keeping me sane. Not much to write about today. I’m just all up in my own feelings.

Until next time.

b

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Day 7.

The days are blending together, but I’m doing my best to keep myself busy. I washed the dishes today! It’s my favorite chore. 🙂 I’m hoping to organize things tomorrow.

It’s nice looking out the window. The sky was so blue and the clouds were pretty. Btw, it’s been 3 years since Beari came into our lives. Thankful for our chihuahua rascal. 🐻

Wingstop and boba for linner. What a combo! I’ll miss boba for sure. Small businesses are closing and it’s making me sad. I’m hopeful during these times. I’ll continue to make the best of everything.

I even got to chat with our BFF via my watch. It was nice to catch up for a bit. Texting friends & family is keeping me sane. Social media helps, but I’m hoping to start reducing my screen time.

Expect more updates from me. Planning to take instant pics of family and the dogs in a few days. ❤️ Time for Mario Party!! ☺️

Be safe, well, and kind! And Happy Spring!! 🌸

b

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Day 6.

I was pretty tired today, so I slept in. My sleeping schedule is messed up. I did take care of some important business regarding bills especially my student loans. 🙏🏼 Family and friends checked in on us today too. Everyone is doing well and I hope the same for everyone else.

I watched the news. I like to stay informed. And when I’m not watching TV, I’m on Twitter getting my info.

It was a pretty chill day. I did watch Crazy Beautiful You. Filipino movies always make me laugh. Forevermore was my fave back in the day. Jericho Rosales! ❤️

Dinner was good – Spam, eggs, and rice. Comfort food ftw!

Lastly, I finally watched Doja Cat’s mv for Say So. Super fun and retro! The song is so catchy. And that dude 😍 but he’s supposedly a mystery. Lol.

That was my Wednesday. Until next time.

b

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Early morning thoughts.

Netflix kept me busy these last few hours. I’m still very anxious and stressed. 😩 I’m doing my best to breathe and think rationally.

Some other things on my mind are so trivial, but it mattered to me when I was a teenager. When I was young, I crushed hard. I think I still do that today. Anyway, I think I sought out a lot of validation from others. I was super insecure and I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. So do I revisit that or just let it go? I mean I definitely don’t need closure, but I just thought of this guy. To be young again??? Lol. I don’t know if I’d want to go back. I’m just in my head.

I’m pretty tired and I need to rest, but my mind is awake. Here’s hoping I knock out soon. Thanks for reading. Later!

b

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Day 5.

Anxiety was real today. I mean I create my own problems by overthinking. All of a sudden, it’s this entire domino effect. Calm down, B. Lol. Thankfully, I was able to place an order for my medication because the test was processed. Whew. Delivery is scheduled for Friday. Hurrah!

I slept in again today. I had Chipotle for lunch. Leftovers for dinner. I’ve got a list of shows to watch on Hulu and Netflix. Becoming is really good btw. Tackling my reading list too. I watched The Wedding Singer tonight. I got to catch up with friends via text as well. Oh yeah, I also had Boba Guys as a treat. Still supporting businesses from afar. ☺️ And I can’t forget The Powerpuff Girls! I miss the 90s. Thee best.

Trying my best to stay positive. Doing my part social distancing! Keep it up, folks.

Be safe and be well. ❤️

b

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Day 4.

Today officially starts my two weeks off from work. Sigh. I miss working, but it’s for the best.

I left the house today for a short time. I had to go to the lab to get my bloodwork done. No one was at the lab. Not typical for a Monday. 😬 It was nice to leave the house for a bit.

Shelter-in-place has been ordered for San Francisco. The twin and I will not be able to leave unless it’s for essential business, such as our doctor’s appointments. Social distancing is important! I will continue to emphasize that. Please do it for the greater good, especially for the vulnerable populations. Please be safe and well!

3/16 isn’t an easy day. Three years ago, our dog passed away. I always reflect and remember him. He was a loyal companion. He’ll never be forgotten. We love you, Laki! 💛

Taking it easy for now. I’m going to make a list of things to watch and read. Time to tackle that. I also want to clean and organize. Hoping for a nice and mellow week. But it’s tough trying to make ends meet for me personally. My anxiety is through the roof.

Take care!

b

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