LET ME THINK 29.

I’m not in a good place right now. 2019 just started and there’s too much going on.

Mental health is important and I’m taking steps to take care of myself holistically. These last few days have been difficult. Being belittled and feeling insignificant is damning.

But I’m taking my power back.

I’ll be on hiatus for now. I still want to complete what’s left of my 2018 weekly photo entries. But I’m quite broken and incomplete. I just need time to myself.

Thanks and see y’all on the other side!

b

Farewell 2018, Hello 2019!

2018 was a trip. So many new experiences, places visited, and changes. We dealt with a lot of loss. It’s sad and heartbreaking, but it’s all part of the circle of life.

Loss always teaches me a lesson. The lesson from 2018: to love. Affection and all of that is what I want, but I ultimately don’t know how to do that. For example: hugging folks. If it’s reciprocated, sure. But if I’m the giver of it, I find myself being odd & awkward. I guess it’s just practice. Being willing to be open minded.

Reconnecting was another theme for 2018. We were so out of the loop, then we finally resurfaced. At the end of the day, family is all you have. Not everyone will see eye to eye, but somehow you gotta make it work. And even if it’s from a distance or full on separation, it’s important to respect each other no matter what. That’s growth.

I’m going to keep this short. I’m just going to continue to work hard, practice gratitude, and uplift myself through the good and bad. Growth is what I always strive for. I’m looking forward to 2019! Adventure is out there.

Peace and love,

b

Merry Christmas Eve!

Hello to the world and my readers!

I’ve been MIA. Apologies!! The family and I have been busy preparing for the holidays. I can’t believe Christmas is almost here! I’m currently on holiday break. I’ve been able to sleep in, clean, hang out with the dogs, and watch a lot of The Simpsons on repeat. It’s so nice to just kick back and relax.

I went to my first 49ers game at Levi’s Stadium yesterday. I loved it! It’s a different vibe from baseball, but thumbs up. I’ll include that day during my weekly update. I’m quite behind with my photos. I’m hoping to be all caught up before the New Year! It can be done.

An updated entry will be up soon. Thank you for your patience.

Happy Holidays to you and yours. Eat, drink, and be merry! Sending you all so much love.

b

LET ME THINK 27.

Currently playing: Martha My Dear

I’m a crying mess.

I’ve always been an emotional person ever since I can remember. Death is a part of life and I’ve dealt with it for the last two years: relatives and pets.

I find myself sleeping late. My sleeping patterns haven’t regulated. I also find myself looking for Coco. She was a big part of our routine. I miss washing her bowl, getting her food ready, and sitting with her on my lap as we all watched TV. I think one of the reasons why I haven’t been too keen on updating my blog is because it was her last few weeks with us and we didn’t even know it at the time. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

(I will update when I’m ready. I just need some time.)

I’ve been looking through old pictures. It’s comforting, but also very sad. Time flies. And it never stops even if you want it to.

The dogs I grew up with have taught me so much: how to love, to be a friend, to be patient, to be kind, and to be comforting. I miss all of them every day. I’ll never forget them. Thank you for everything.

Good night.

b

RIP Coco.

Coco (2001-2018) passed away peacefully on Monday, November 19, 2018.

It’s been somber at home. But we all know she’s in a better place. We just miss her presence. She was the sweetest dog ever. It really won’t be the same without her especially with the holiday season approaching.

Run free, girl. I hope you’re enjoying all the food and treats. Until we meet again, darling.

I love you.

b

LET ME THINK 26.

I’m very upset right now. I feel invalidated. I feel like I don’t matter.

These last few days have been hard, but everything from here on out will just be harder. How much more can I possibly take? What’s my purpose? I’m so broken. I’m so empty. I don’t know what else I can possibly do.

The nagging, the criticism, and the comparing is all too much. I do my best to take everything in constructively and sometimes I can’t.

I’m hurt. I’m mad.

I’m feeling hopeless.

b

LET ME THINK 25.

I’m in the middle of a week in photos entry. It’s taken me a while to sit down and get it done. There’s a lot going on in my life right now. I think I vented about it in my last post.

So many feelings and emotions. No one to really talk to about it. Blogging helps and so does listening to music. sweetener is giving me motivation and hope. Ariana is so good! I’m hoping to see her in concert soon.

I’m getting grey hairs. It’s not bad. Growing old is a privilege. So I’m thankful.

I went to Uniqlo three times last week. I’m stocking up on warm clothes. Mostly layering and scarves! Their beanies are cool too. I think it’s my favorite store right now. You can get everything there.

Anyway, I’m getting sleepy. Hoping to stay positive the rest of the week. I’m in an odd place, but I’m sure I’ll get out of it. Hope all is well.

b

LET ME THINK 24.

I drank way too much caffeine. This is why I almost always order everything decaf. Whoops.

I’m overwhelmed by my own thoughts. This is why I’m blogging it out. Change is on the horizon. It’s uncomfortable. It’s scary. But it’s absolutely necessary.

Staying away from a lot of social media. #sfgiants #duh #blah

I’m glad basketball is back. Yay! But I cannot with ESPN right now.

Brainstorming travel plans. We’ll see.

Okay, I’m getting tired. Good night.

b