Reminiscing.

now playing: Sleep All Day – Jason Mraz

I haven’t listened to his old stuff in a while. Jason Mraz was a big part of my teenage years and into my twenties. His music was my comforter.

There’s been a lot of self reflection this week. I’ve found myself on the verge of tears sometimes. The feeling of loss is something. There’s a lot of sadness, but it puts everything into perspective. I’m doing my best to live well! I may lack sleep sometimes, but despite feeling tired I still keep going.

I tried to get back into “dating”, but I’m pretty much dating myself. What I mean by that is simply this. Well, my sister made this connection. My chronic conditions are my relationship. Ups and downs! Pretty much what a relationship entails. Didn’t ever see it that way. I’m not sure if anyone will ever come along for the ride, but I’m okay with that. I’m content knowing that I’m taking care of myself. And hey, if someone comes along, that’s fine. Just keep up with me. I’m unstoppable. ๐Ÿ™‚

That’s my word vomit for the night. I also had quite a day. To keep it short: people with terrible attitudes suck. Super toxic. But that’s on them, not me.

Getting sleepy. Good night.

b

4/365.

Thursday, April 25, 2019

It was a busy Thursday for me. I had to take care of some errands before work! On top of that, I was finalizing some last minute details for our trip to Vancouver. I was excited and anxious!

I tried my best to pack smart. I really dislike overpacking, especially because my luggage this time around was a lot smaller. I was successful! ๐Ÿ˜€

I felt a bit sluggish for most of the day, but I powered through. I was so ready for vacation! I also had to send in a headshot for the school yearbook. Think I chose a good one. Woo!

Canada, here I come. I love it there! It’s the land of Shawn Mendes. Hehe. โค

More entries on the way.

b

3/365.

Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Happy Hump Day!

This was my commute home. It was a mess, but that’s pretty much the state of SF. It can be a lot to deal with, but you just gotta roll with it. I’m nostalgic for old SF. Familiarity is lost. My Uber driver yesterday reflected on 34 years of being in the city. He was fond of so many memories. It was great to talk to someone who loves SF as much as I do. It’s home. โค

Work was good. It was still a warm one. But the fog is returning. Hurrah! I love my layers.

Dubs just lost so I’m not in the best mood. I also need to finish packing. I’ll be seeing Canada very soon! ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m looking forward to all the adventures I plan to have. I can’t wait to photograph.

Lastly, Happy Birthday to you, Coco! We miss you so much. โค One of the best dogs ever.

Good night.

b

1/365.

Monday, April 22, 2019

The Sutro Tower is one of my fave subjects to photograph. โค

I’ve decided to revamp my photo blog. I’ve been lagging these last couple of months. Trauma is real. Grief is real. Being human is real. I’ll eventually post the pictures from February, March, and parts of April. But for now, this is where I’m going to pick up. I love doing Project 365! It’s a better pace for me. My first attempt at it was back in 2007. I completed it!!

It’s going to be an exciting week! Spring break is over and I’m back at work. It was tough trying to get up. I snoozed. A LOT. Haha. The weather was super nice today. It was almost 77 I think. It’s supposed to be warmer tomorrow. Lots of sunscreen for me. ๐Ÿ™‚ I get headaches.

I was really digging my outfit today: my Giants baseball cap, my orange & black tee from Levi’s, black leggings from Uniqlo, grey hoodie, and my white chucks.

I’ve been admiring everything around me. I’m so in love with the flowers! The colors are all so pretty.

Highlight of my day was seeing Giants caps at the work desk. My boss is so nice! Thanks, Cord! ๐Ÿ˜€ (He’s a Dodger fan. The rivalry is real. Haha.)

Thanks for stopping by!

b

Continue reading

Isolation.

As of late, I’ve felt a void. I really miss my friend, Sarah. It hasn’t been the same since her passing.

I’ve been much more vocal with my own personal struggles with my chronic conditions. I think the first step is acceptance. When I was a teenager, I was so ashamed and in denial. I didn’t want anyone to know. I already felt different from my peers. It was tough trying to fit in and finding that group of friends that would support you through it all. As I got older, I found those people and to this day they still have my back. You know who you are. Thank you for all of your love, support, and affirmation through the years. Encouragement goes a long way! โค

Sarah was a strong advocate for Lupus awareness. It’s reignited a lot inside of me to create more visibility and awareness. Many still don’t know what the condition is and what it does to a patient’s body. Especially the side effects of medication.ย Every patient is different. Some symptoms are shared. It really is a snowflake condition. There’s so much research being done to find that cure. But I’m hopeful. And I’ll continue to be.

I want to honor Sarah’s memory the best way that I can. I’m planning to participate in the Lupus walk this year. But it’s been tough. I miss sending her messages and checking in whenever we could. I definitely cherish all the college memories we had together. Thank you for reaching out first and most especially your friendship. I’ll never forget your kindness.

You’re truly missed, Sarah. โค

b

Life stuff.

It’s been a heavy month for me. I’m still processing and grieving on my own terms. At times I’m sad and sometimes I’m okay. Grief isn’t linear.

I’m looking forward to April! So much happening, but I’m very excited.

I plan to continue on with my photo project this year. I just have to factory reset my laptop because I’m running out of space. I’m hoping I have everything backed up. That can be a bit tedious. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. I’ll be back!

Bernadette

P.S. Baseball is here! I’m so happy. Giants are in LA the next few days. BEAT LA!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

MY WEEK IN PHOTOS: JANUARY 28-FEBRUARY 3, 2019.

I really enjoyed this week! Sharing a meal is such an experience. Food brings people together.

My highlights:

  1. Reading
  2. Sending a card to a fellow PHighter
  3. Lunch with Bianca + playing tourist and dinner with Pax & Jessie
  4. Brunch with the friends
  5. Super Bowl Sunday – all about the food and the commercials

To the pictures!

Continue reading