Friendships.

I couldn’t sleep right away so I was just sitting and reflecting on my friendships – past, current, and future.

I bring those to life tbh. Sometimes it’s reciprocated and sometimes it’s not. I thought about the friendships that are no longer active in my life. The ongoing theme is me reaching out. Once I stop reaching out, it’s quiet af.

It makes me feel small sometimes, but I’ve learned to reframe it. But it makes me question myself. Am I too much? 😭 I think I do my best with friendships, even when I don’t have the capacity. I listen, I offer advice when I’m able to, and I love gifting things to others. I’m always so thoughtful.

Consideration. Sighhh. Sometimes I feel like I’m just an afterthought. A painful realization. But I also have a lot of good people in my corner.

I know connections don’t last forever and some people come into your life for a season and maybe even as a lesson. But I truly do care about every encounter and every conversation I’ve had with others. I just wish people treated me as such.

I won’t stop being a good person, but sometimes I just want someone else to handle things for me. I’m tired. 💜

Good day!

b

Brooo.

Juggling a lot of questions, but I feel like I already know the answers.

But sometimes, you just gotta live and do the damn thing. Sighhh. Let me sit with all of this. If there’s supposed to be some sort of sign or direction in the next few days, that would be helpful. 😂

I’m tired. Physically and mentally. I need a mini summer break, but I don’t know if that’ll happen.🤞

HKIA is keeping me busy. I’ve slept late the last two days. I need to chill, but it’s such a fun game.

Anyway, I should get ready for bed and then play again. Hahaha.

Good night.

b

Finals week.

I’m all over the place right now and processing a lot of feelings and emotions. It started a few days ago. I’m sitting with it, but I’m unsure what to do with myself.

I’m in need of a mental break from work and school. It’s coming, but I have a few more days! Can’t wait to be done with finals.

This year came and went. I was on survival mode the last few months: hospital stays + major surgery. As I’m trying to get back to my usual way of life, lots of changes have popped up. I’m feeling some type of way. 😭 Goodbyes are hard for me. I’ve never liked them.

So I’m in this weird place of trying to be okay with the change, still holding on, but I know it’s time to let go. 💔 It all feels rushed and I think I need to be okay with not getting proper closure.

I’m stubborn and I want it done my way, but we all know that’s not how life works!!! Yeah, I’m still processing.

I cried a few days ago because I was really sad. Now I feel okay, but I’m still sad. Sighhh.

I know I’ll be alright. It’s just going to take a bit of time.

That’s all I wanted to say. Good night.

b

Irritation.

My feelings have been all over the place as of late. My anger is displaced. I’m frustrated. And I’m tired. I don’t want to try anymore. I opened up only for it to kick my ass.

I’ve become very distant and cold. I think people can probably pick up on it. It’s hard being in said environment and trying to go about things as if it’s all “okay”. This crush is crushing. I just want to detach, hide, and not deal with anyone atm.

Going to watch the Giants on Wednesday to keep my mind off of things. Kinda dreading the weekend. I’ve cried plenty. Why do I always get hurt?! 😭😫

Why can’t it ever be me?!!

b

Day 292.

Happy Tuesday! Time for bullet points. 😜

  • I spoke to my therapist today. It was a good session! 💕
  • Toasted sourdough with Brie is the best. 🍞🧀
  • I was able to do some laundry. Yes!!
  • Took a long nap. 😬😴
  • I just started watching Bridgerton. I am loving it! Thanks for the recommendation, Brea. The music is superb. The cast is fantastic! Can’t wait to see how the story unfolds.
  • Animal Crossing update: I didn’t do much on my island. I’m actually not playing a lot as of late. I do want to get more snowflake DIYs!!
  • I might watch a movie tonight. Maybe Last Christmas again. 🥰
  • This time a year ago – we visited Stonehenge! It was my dream to see it in person. Very thankful for the experience. I miss traveling! Until we can safely do so, I’m staying home. 😷
  • December is almost over. Part of me is excited, but the other part of me is a bit sad. This year has been bittersweet.

That was my Tuesday! I think I’ll be using bullet points more often to switch up my blogging style. Hope y’all had a nice one! Take care and be safe.

Good night.

b

Some thoughts.

It’s been a weird week for me. I feel off. I’m dealing with all of this other stuff too, but it should be resolved in due time.

January just flew by. I am excited for this week because we’ll be celebrating Mom’s birthday! Should be a wonderful time. 🙂

There’s rain in the forecast. I’m waiting for spring. Come on!!

We just ordered DoorDash. Lol. #junkfood But I’ve been good about my exercise. Yay!

That’s my small update. Will post my weekly entry later.

Good night to all.

b