Category: 2020

Day 15.

TGIF! We made it. I stayed up watching Step By Step. Lol. Childhood memories. And then I eventually fell asleep. Woke up to messages from family, friends, and work. Closure will extend to May 1st. I’ve got a lot of free time on my hands now.

I’m hoping to learn the uke now. I need to find a good beginner one. I’m doing some research and I’m already trying to figure out chords.

I’m trying my best to disconnect from social media, but it’s hard because family and friends are on there. People tagging you left and right. Lol.

I’ll keep this entry short. And I just want to sincerely thank those on the front lines: doctors, nurses, everyone in the healthcare field, grocery store workers, delivery persons, and all essential employees! Also to those who have donated medical supplies and sewed masks. You are our heroes! #stayhome

Enjoy the rest of your night. Later!

b

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Day 14.

It’s been two weeks. I’m doing okay. Everything is repetitive, but I can’t complain. I’m at home where we have access to water, electricity, food, and facilities. All of that is a blessing. ❤️

I’ve been thinking a lot about enamel pins. I’m hoping to design one for a good cause. I haven’t figured out what it’ll look like. Things are brewing and it’s a process. I’ll continue to be patient with myself.

I slept a lot today. I woke up at a decent time, but decided to nap twice. Lol. I’m okay with that. I also watched another episode of Broad City. Abbi and Ilana are BFF goals. Haha.

Traveling dreams are real. I went through my camera roll looking at pictures from our family visit to Canada in 2018. Good times. I miss flying. I miss discovering new places. This too shall pass, but until then I’ll continue looking at pictures to remind me of better days ahead.

And I want to learn the uke! I’m looking for a nice beginner one to purchase. I played the piano for two years when I was a teen and I was in choir in high school. Other than that, I don’t have a lot of background in music. There’s always time to learn something new. I’m looking forward to it! 🙂

And Happy Air Max Day! I love Nike. ☺️

That was my Thursday. Thanks for reading!

b

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LET ME THINK 32.

Maintaining friendships has always been a challenge for me. I think a lot of it just stems from my own anxiety and just feeling disconnected. We constantly move through so many spaces. And I’ve been thinking about this a lot since the shelter in place.

People change and they are allowed to elevate themselves. We’re never really the same people. These past friendships did serve me a purpose. And if I can think of one word to connect all of them it would be growth. Some friendships have expiration dates and I’ve accepted that. But I do yearn for what was. I’ve always been nostalgic and reflect on the past. I don’t stay there. I guess you can consider it a pit stop.

During this pandemic, it’s allowed me to hold my loved ones dear. I miss my family and my friends. But the connection is still there. I’d like to continue that with folks from my past. Even if it’s just a text saying hello. I think now more than ever, we all need connection.

What an uncertain time, but all we can do is just go with it.

That’s my spiel. Later!

b

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Day 13.

I’m feeling a bit better today. Clarity. And a nice nap helped me out. After many delays, my medication is now in my hands. Thank goodness! I’m so very grateful to my medical team for always being clutch. They really are miracle workers! Shoutout to my pharmacy too for being so patient and helpful with me when I was super upset. That happened yesterday. I already feel better after taking my regular dose. Lastly, thank you to UPS. It was tough, but y’all pulled through during these chaotic times.

I’m also super grateful to my supportive friends and family for letting me vent and checking in. Hi Bianca, Jamie, and Brea! 💕

Broad City is bringing all the laughs. The final season! I’ve got five more episodes to watch. I’ll space it out. 🙂 Gotta be productive these next few days. It doesn’t have to be big tasks. Progress is progress. I’m thinking of taking up a new hobby. Yay!

Hope all your Wednesdays went well. I’m still pretty tired. The stress these last few days have been unreal, but I made it.

Until next time. Good night!

b

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Day 12.

Invalidation. That’s all I need to say right now. This day has taken an emotional toll on me. You think people have your back, but at the end of the day they don’t. “Because it isn’t cancer.” What a dumb thing to say. Ignorance at its finest and quite offensive. This isn’t the time to pin health conditions against each other. Every condition matters and we fall into the vulnerable population during this pandemic. In solidarity with all of you. ❤️

I wish I could run away, but there’s nowhere to go.

I’m mad. I’m frustrated, I’m anxious. I’m scared.

Good night.

b

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LET ME THINK 31.

It’s been a while since I’ve done this. I’m writing to let go of my anxiety. I’m feeling miserable about myself. I’m trying to breathe. Trying to be rational. But my overthinking always gets the best of me. I hate it.

I’m in dire need of my heart medication. I’ve never been without it. I’m so upset. I’ve cried a bit. When I’m overwhelmed, I cry.

Holding onto hope. There’s so much going on in the world, but this medication is essential to my wellbeing. I’m scared. I’ve contacted my team, I’m in touch with the pharmacy, and I will give UPS a call in the morning.

You’re swamped. I get it. But I’m on the road to getting myself more sick if I don’t take my meds. The life of a chronic condition patient. I don’t have anything to hide. This has been my life since I was 17 and then diagnosed with my heart condition at 20. This pandemic just reemphasizes the struggles of chronic condition patients. This is our reality. Whenever this pandemic passes, our realities remain the same. Struggle and survival.

I’m going to try to sleep, but I don’t know if I can.

b

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Day 11.

I haven’t been sleeping at all. I stayed awake to see if there was a delivery update for my medication. At first it said yes, out for delivery! And then an hour or two later it said it’s been delayed. Lots of conflicting information. I get that couriers are swamped, but as I’ve communicated on social media – I’m waiting for medication, not an article of clothing.

I eventually fell asleep. I ended up missing two calls regarding my package. I’m hoping it gets here by end of day. I’m completely out of my medication. I went TWO days without it so I could ration. I felt like complete crap going off of it. This is the life of a chronic condition patient during these unprecedented times. I shouldn’t have to worry about this. I’m frustrated and annoyed. I did everything on my end. So I’m pleading to pls be clutch and get it to me today.

This is why I’ve been lacking productivity. I have no energy whatsoever. I’m just anxious all the time. It’s currently 6:47pm PDT. Still hoping for good news. And this is my rant of the day. Fin.

And please follow your government’s orders. Continue to stay at home so we can flatten the curve!

Lastly, Happy 1st Birthday, Jacob! We miss you. Sending you lots of love. 🥳❤️

Be well.

b

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