life – Page 50 – let me think.

Day 14.

It’s been two weeks. I’m doing okay. Everything is repetitive, but I can’t complain. I’m at home where we have access to water, electricity, food, and facilities. All of that is a blessing. ❤️

I’ve been thinking a lot about enamel pins. I’m hoping to design one for a good cause. I haven’t figured out what it’ll look like. Things are brewing and it’s a process. I’ll continue to be patient with myself.

I slept a lot today. I woke up at a decent time, but decided to nap twice. Lol. I’m okay with that. I also watched another episode of Broad City. Abbi and Ilana are BFF goals. Haha.

Traveling dreams are real. I went through my camera roll looking at pictures from our family visit to Canada in 2018. Good times. I miss flying. I miss discovering new places. This too shall pass, but until then I’ll continue looking at pictures to remind me of better days ahead.

And I want to learn the uke! I’m looking for a nice beginner one to purchase. I played the piano for two years when I was a teen and I was in choir in high school. Other than that, I don’t have a lot of background in music. There’s always time to learn something new. I’m looking forward to it! 🙂

And Happy Air Max Day! I love Nike. ☺️

That was my Thursday. Thanks for reading!

March 26, 2020March 26, 2020 by bernadette Categories: 2020, lifeTags: air max day, canada 2018, covid19, family, life, nike, photography, sf, shelter in place, social distancing, tbt, throwback, traveling, tv Leave a comment

LET ME THINK 32.

Maintaining friendships has always been a challenge for me. I think a lot of it just stems from my own anxiety and just feeling disconnected. We constantly move through so many spaces. And I’ve been thinking about this a lot since the shelter in place.

People change and they are allowed to elevate themselves. We’re never really the same people. These past friendships did serve me a purpose. And if I can think of one word to connect all of them it would be growth. Some friendships have expiration dates and I’ve accepted that. But I do yearn for what was. I’ve always been nostalgic and reflect on the past. I don’t stay there. I guess you can consider it a pit stop.

During this pandemic, it’s allowed me to hold my loved ones dear. I miss my family and my friends. But the connection is still there. I’d like to continue that with folks from my past. Even if it’s just a text saying hello. I think now more than ever, we all need connection.

What an uncertain time, but all we can do is just go with it.

That’s my spiel. Later!

March 26, 2020March 26, 2020 by bernadette Categories: 2020, lifeTags: connection, covid19, family, friends, sf, shelter in place, social distancing Leave a comment

Day 13.

I’m feeling a bit better today. Clarity. And a nice nap helped me out. After many delays, my medication is now in my hands. Thank goodness! I’m so very grateful to my medical team for always being clutch. They really are miracle workers! Shoutout to my pharmacy too for being so patient and helpful with me when I was super upset. That happened yesterday. I already feel better after taking my regular dose. Lastly, thank you to UPS. It was tough, but y’all pulled through during these chaotic times.

I’m also super grateful to my supportive friends and family for letting me vent and checking in. Hi Bianca, Jamie, and Brea! 💕

Broad City is bringing all the laughs. The final season! I’ve got five more episodes to watch. I’ll space it out. 🙂 Gotta be productive these next few days. It doesn’t have to be big tasks. Progress is progress. I’m thinking of taking up a new hobby. Yay!

Hope all your Wednesdays went well. I’m still pretty tired. The stress these last few days have been unreal, but I made it.

Until next time. Good night!

March 25, 2020March 25, 2020 by bernadette Categories: 2020, lifeTags: broad city, life, lupus awareness, lupus warriors, phighter, sf, shelter in place, social distancing, sony a6000, tv Leave a comment

Day 12.

Invalidation. That’s all I need to say right now. This day has taken an emotional toll on me. You think people have your back, but at the end of the day they don’t. “Because it isn’t cancer.” What a dumb thing to say. Ignorance at its finest and quite offensive. This isn’t the time to pin health conditions against each other. Every condition matters and we fall into the vulnerable population during this pandemic. In solidarity with all of you. ❤️

I wish I could run away, but there’s nowhere to go.

I’m mad. I’m frustrated, I’m anxious. I’m scared.

Good night.

March 24, 2020March 25, 2020 by bernadette Categories: 2020, lifeTags: chronic condition, family, health, invalidated, life, lupus awareness, lupus warriors, phighter, sf, social distancing Leave a comment

LET ME THINK 31.

It’s been a while since I’ve done this. I’m writing to let go of my anxiety. I’m feeling miserable about myself. I’m trying to breathe. Trying to be rational. But my overthinking always gets the best of me. I hate it.

I’m in dire need of my heart medication. I’ve never been without it. I’m so upset. I’ve cried a bit. When I’m overwhelmed, I cry.

Holding onto hope. There’s so much going on in the world, but this medication is essential to my wellbeing. I’m scared. I’ve contacted my team, I’m in touch with the pharmacy, and I will give UPS a call in the morning.

You’re swamped. I get it. But I’m on the road to getting myself more sick if I don’t take my meds. The life of a chronic condition patient. I don’t have anything to hide. This has been my life since I was 17 and then diagnosed with my heart condition at 20. This pandemic just reemphasizes the struggles of chronic condition patients. This is our reality. Whenever this pandemic passes, our realities remain the same. Struggle and survival.

I’m going to try to sleep, but I don’t know if I can.

March 24, 2020 by bernadette Categories: 2020, lifeTags: covid19, late night thoughts, let me think, lupus, lupus awareness, lupus warriors, phighter, sf, shelter in place Leave a comment

Day 11.

I haven’t been sleeping at all. I stayed awake to see if there was a delivery update for my medication. At first it said yes, out for delivery! And then an hour or two later it said it’s been delayed. Lots of conflicting information. I get that couriers are swamped, but as I’ve communicated on social media – I’m waiting for medication, not an article of clothing.

I eventually fell asleep. I ended up missing two calls regarding my package. I’m hoping it gets here by end of day. I’m completely out of my medication. I went TWO days without it so I could ration. I felt like complete crap going off of it. This is the life of a chronic condition patient during these unprecedented times. I shouldn’t have to worry about this. I’m frustrated and annoyed. I did everything on my end. So I’m pleading to pls be clutch and get it to me today.

This is why I’ve been lacking productivity. I have no energy whatsoever. I’m just anxious all the time. It’s currently 6:47pm PDT. Still hoping for good news. And this is my rant of the day. Fin.

And please follow your government’s orders. Continue to stay at home so we can flatten the curve!

Lastly, Happy 1st Birthday, Jacob! We miss you. Sending you lots of love. 🥳❤️

Be well.

March 23, 2020March 23, 2020 by bernadette Categories: 2020, lifeTags: chronic condition, covid19, family, medication, phighter, shelter in place, social distancing Leave a comment

Day 10.

It was a really mellow Sunday for me. I slept a lot and I woke up to eat. Nourishment is important. 🙂 I had toast with peanut butter, a banana, and decaf Tim Hortons coffee.

I rewatched the 2016 NCAA National Championship – Villanova vs. UNC. Still so epic! One of the best games I’ve ever seen.

And then I took a nap. Much needed. Had dinner a little late, but it was worth it. I had an instant pho bowl. We got it from Costco. Pretty legit. Finished leftovers from Wingstop.

I’m hoping to have a much more productive week. I wish you all well.

Good night.

March 22, 2020 by bernadette Categories: lifeTags: keroppi, life, sanrio, sf, shelter in place, social distancing Leave a comment

Day 9.

I really thought it was day 10. LOL. Like I said, the days are just blending together. I’m losing count. Typical Saturday for me. I didn’t sleep well because I was worried about my medication delivery. It’s being held at a center here in the city, so I’m hoping it’ll be out for delivery again on Monday. From what I’m told, it was some kind of an emergency. I hope everything is okay. Thank you, UPS for delivering! This hasn’t happened to me before, but I understand. It’s the new normal for everyone.

I’m planning to figure out my routine in the next few days. I find myself to be more productive when I’m dressed and ready for the day. I just gotta put it into practice. Nothing compares to a cozy & warm bed though. Netflix is my fallback too. My screen time is horrendous. I’m putting that out into the world.

I rewatched a bit of Lost in Translation. It’s the next best thing. We’ll all eventually get to see Japan. But until then, movies, tv, and books will have to do.

I got my Cadbury chocolate! Easter candy, woo!! 🙂 Target was clutch with the online orders. It’s such a good alternative to leaving the house. I’m a freaking hermit nowadays.

Highlight of my day: catching up with friends on Zoom! It was nice to see what everyone is up to during this shelter in place. We’re all on the same boat. We can get through this together! Cheers to video games especially Nintendo! And a shoutout to Bern. We missed you! Hope dinner was delicious. Catch you next time.

I need a good night’s sleep. I’m ready, haha.

Be safe and well! ❤

March 21, 2020March 21, 2020 by bernadette Categories: lifeTags: family, friends, life, shelter in place, social distancing, weekend, zoom Leave a comment

Day 8.

Hope is still alive! I’ve been restless. Didn’t sleep well at all. Doing my best to keep my anxiety at bay.

I cleaned a bit today, but I’m planning to do more tomorrow. I’m just worried about my medicine delivery. It was originally supposed to arrive by the end of the day, but now there’s a delay. I hope it arrives tomorrow. I’ve reached out to customer service. The odd thing is that it’s already in the city. I understand the current situation at hand, but the medication is essential to my wellbeing. I don’t want to stress.

I miss my family and friends so I dedicated a post to them on my personal IG. The love is reciprocated. We’ll get through this together! 💕

Photography is keeping me sane. Not much to write about today. I’m just all up in my own feelings.

Until next time.

March 20, 2020 by bernadette Categories: lifeTags: chronic condition, family, friends, life, phighter, photography Leave a comment

Day 7.

The days are blending together, but I’m doing my best to keep myself busy. I washed the dishes today! It’s my favorite chore. 🙂 I’m hoping to organize things tomorrow.

It’s nice looking out the window. The sky was so blue and the clouds were pretty. Btw, it’s been 3 years since Beari came into our lives. Thankful for our chihuahua rascal. 🐻

Wingstop and boba for linner. What a combo! I’ll miss boba for sure. Small businesses are closing and it’s making me sad. I’m hopeful during these times. I’ll continue to make the best of everything.

I even got to chat with our BFF via my watch. It was nice to catch up for a bit. Texting friends & family is keeping me sane. Social media helps, but I’m hoping to start reducing my screen time.

Expect more updates from me. Planning to take instant pics of family and the dogs in a few days. ❤️ Time for Mario Party!! ☺️

Be safe, well, and kind! And Happy Spring!! 🌸

March 19, 2020March 20, 2020 by bernadette Categories: lifeTags: beari, covid19, faith, family, friends, hope, life, social distancing Leave a comment