Grief.

I can remember a relative passing away when I was 12. It was my first real glimpse with death. I can also recall our first pet’s passing. It was a cold and rainy day in January. She was too young. 😭

It’s normal. As you age, the people around you get older and pass on. I lost three grandparents in the 2010s. As a young adult, the loss was palpable. I was sad, angry, and in disbelief. I’ve come to terms with it a decade later, but the void never leaves me. The same can be said about family pets.

Losing Beari has suffocated me at times. I didn’t want to let go, but euthanasia was the best for her. I’m still so angry because cancer took her away from us. I just picked up her chew toys in my room. I miss her so much. Her scent lingers at home. The silence is deafening. I miss her barks. I miss her companionship. I miss everything! 🥺 This is an adjustment period. It’d be nice to take in another dog, but I’m not ready. We’re not ready.

Her birthday is almost here. We’d like to have a special meal for her and maybe some cupcakes to celebrate her life. Change comes with the territory. I’m doing my best to adapt. Owning a pet is one of the greatest feelings in the world! But saying goodbye is the hardest part.

I love you, Beari. ❤️🐻❤️

b

Farewell 2022!

So many great memories were made this year, but losing our dear Beari in November was heartbreaking. I’ll miss her always! ❤️🐻❤️

I hope to do and be better in 2023! It’s the year of the rabbit. Yes!!! I’d like to travel more, excel academically, and continue growing in all areas of my life. I hope to take more risks because why not?! 😎

Wishing all of you a wonderful 2023! 🥂🎆

b

Updates.

Carlos Correa is no longer a Giant. Slim chance he could be, but who knows at this point. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Happy Holidays to you and yours! It’s been a trying year so I wasn’t in a festive mood. I guess you can say I was the Grinch. Maybe next year? I miss Beari too much. We didn’t even decorate. 😭

Resting as much as I can before school and work start up again. I’m also cleaning and hoping to donate + sell things I don’t need anymore.

I’m crushing hard. But I guess I can save that story for another day. Lol. I’m shy. Really!!!!

I’ve been eating a lot of junk food. Why not?! And I’m playing for 3rd place in FF. LFG!!!! 🏈

Hope all is well! 💜

b

The final days.

I didn’t think we’d be saying goodbye so soon. Beari’s cancer has spread and we’re out of options. I wish we had more time, but we had five great years together.

We’re planning for her best week ever! The beach, her fave foods, and whatever else we can think of to send her off.

Losing a pet is never easy. But seeing her in pain is really tough. 😭

I wish her peace and comfort. We love you, Beari. ❤️🐻❤️

I am broken.

b

Depressed.

I’ve always been one to hide my depression. I’ll usually play it off as anxiety. These last two weeks, I’ve dealt with high functioning depression. I’m pretty much on autopilot and faking a smile.

We have a very sick dog at home and I’m feeling helpless. She needs surgery, but we can’t finance it! So what do we do next? 😭💔 It hurts my head and heart thinking about potential scenarios. She’s still very much aware. She’s just in pain. I want to scream!!!!! AHHHHHHH. 😫

I feel hopeless too. I try to stay optimistic but as of late I don’t feel or think it.

Doing my best to hold on. I’m absolutely terrified.

Please keep me and my family in your thoughts. We definitely need lots of prayers. Thank you!

Good night.

b

We need your help!

Beari needs another surgery due to a broken hip. We found out a week ago and we’re just devastated! It might be cancer related. Posting her GoFundMe page again.

If you are able, please donate to our cause! I’ve been a hot mess. I’m sad, depressed, and feeling hopeless.

We just want her to be okay. She’s been through so much. 😭🐻❤️ We love you, Beari.

Thank you.

b

Triggered.

Don’t ever comment on someone’s physical appearance! This happened to me at work yesterday. You’re a shit person if you do that. This person isn’t aware of my own personal health struggles. And I don’t care to inform her because it’s none of her damn business. I’ve always dealt with self-esteem issues even before I got sick. It doesn’t cost a thing to be kind!

I am strong. I am worthy! I’m proud of myself. 💜

b

Sick.

I returned from Boston on Monday. I started to lose my voice that night. I was on vocal rest for a few days. Returned to work on Thursday and doing my best to get healthy! I tested myself for Covid and it came back negative. Doing another PCR test later.

I’m still coughing which sucks. Tea and throat drops are helping. I just want my normal voice back!

I’ve been quite tired too and I need to catch up on school work. Still going through vacation pics and trying to figure out which ones to share. It takes me forever.

Had a good therapy session! Cut it short because of my throat. I hope I’m in the clear in about a week.

Following postseason baseball on Twitter and the MLB app. BEAT LA 😎

I can’t stay awake anymore. Good night.

b