Author: bernadette

Baseball. Music is my therapy. Creative. Dreamer. Photography.

Emo ass.

Yesterday was a long, but productive day! Had a doc appt and work. 💜

During my appt, I found myself getting teary eyed. I’ve been feeling a lot of emotions lately. It means it’s almost that time of month. 🥲 Anyway, I’ve been overthinking. This is all normal for me. Dealing with feelings annoys me. Do I like him more than he likes me? Probably. So I’m trying to create space, but it’s hard.

I’m not good with boundaries. It’s gonna take a lot of practice.

Life is very challenging right now. I feel like every year is tbh. I don’t want things to be this way anymore. How do I change it? Sighhh. I want to be happy truly. I just don’t know what that looks like right now.

I’m just really frustrated. I want things to be better. Change starts within.

Anyway, baseball is back today! Here’s to the second half of the season. GO GIANTS!!!!! 🖤🧡

I’ll try to sleep. Good night.

b

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In my head.

Been in there a lot the last few days. It’s also that time of month, so I’ve been very emotional and sensitive!

I have the week off which is nice. It’s been great to slow down, take my time, and catch up on rest.

It’s officially summer, but the weather in SF says otherwise. 🥲 I’m still layered up every time I leave the house. I went for a nice walk yesterday at Kezar after my blood draw. Things look okay. Doc might follow up this week.

Orbiting. It’s annoying af. But that person just did. I’m learning to let go and be okay with not doing much with that anymore. It pains me and it makes me sad, but I guess I’ll just leave it. As much as I like them, space is important. Sighhh.

Baseball. It’s brutal af! The Giants have lost games that they shouldn’t have. Offense is still rocky. Pitching is decent. Defense could also use some work. Going to another game this month and I need them to show up!!! 🖤🧡

I’m decluttering and letting go of things that no longer serve me. It’s a lot of work, but it’ll be worth it.

Lots to look forward to the next few days! I’m ready. 🥰

Good night.

b

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Done with the semester.

I’m relieved to be done! Sunday killed me. But hoping for the best. Maybe final grades will be calculated later?!

Looking forward to my summer. Let’s hope it’s just as eventful as last year’s. 🥰

Back to work, but it’s a short week. I’m looking forward to the weekend!!!

There’s so much running through my mind right now. I know everything will be okay. It has to be.

Anyway, time to sleep.

Good night.

b

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☀️🤎

It was a beautiful day in the city yesterday! I love the spring time. I decided to walk over to Dolores Park to enjoy the sunshine. I got a really nice tan.

Then I bought some snacks. Unfortunately, my bag of Cheetos split open. I was craving them too. Ugh! I’ll have to buy another bag elsewhere. 😤

School is winding down! Three more weeks. My final project is in the works. Hoping to catch up with a friend. They said it’s coming. 🤭 You better!!!

Anyway, planning to just rest up before work resumes on Wednesday.

Also I had some of the best poke in my life yesterday. Salmon FTW!!! 🍣

I’ll try to sleep soon. Good night!

b

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Let go.

I’ve come to this realization that I’m not a priority. Of course not. You’re not in a relationship. I’m always pushed to the side. An afterthought.

I give so much of myself. I’m done being nice and accommodating when I’m not even considered!!!

Boundaries. I must learn to keep them. I shouldn’t fold. Even with that person. They are not good for you.

Turn inwards. Also, baseball is not helping you atm.

Semester is almost done. Keep your eyes on the prize!!!

Good night. 💜

b

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Overwhelmed.

I just finished midterms and I’m feeling it. I’m tired and a bit all over the place.

I feel disrespected, not considered, and just distant. Am I too much? I’m so kind to everyone. It’s hard giving all of my energy away and nothing comes back. I don’t ever expect anything. But it would be nice to be pleasantly surprised one of these days.

I don’t feel good about myself. I’m very insecure right now. I’m irritable. I’m angry. I’m frustrated. All these not good feelings.

I just drank boba too. So I’m tired, but I can’t sleep. Not a very good idea by me.

I need to let go. Just let go! I don’t need closure. Just walk away.

I hope things get better. 💜

b

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February 2025.

It came and went, but thankfully it’s still Pisces season! I’m officially a year older and it’s been something already. I care too much and I continue to try. Which is great, but in this case I feel like it might be time to let go. 🥺

I was disappointed about last week, but things happen. Will they be proactive? Probably not. I do so much and nothing. It’s a little frustrating.

I need to start focusing on myself again. School is really challenging right now, but I’m doing my best. I’m juggling both jobs too.

It’s essential that I rest when I can and seek joy in the small things such as hanging out with friends. I’m looking forward to seeing them later!!!

It’s almost my Monday again. WTH?! 😭

I felt like last year’s birthday was better. Sighhh.

Time to ko. Good night! 💜

b

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I need to detach.

I’ve been saying this for quite some time now and I haven’t. I’m so, so stubborn.

But I didn’t get a reply back, so I’m going to leave it. Maybe get in touch with him on Friday? I keep initiating. He doesn’t. I’m tired. 😭

Finally practicing yoga again! Need to get stronger. Also doing core work. I’m pretty sore, but it’ll be worth it. Taking day time walks now too. Night time walks are fun, but too many critters out and about. No thanks!

Need to declutter my space. I also got laundry done yesterday!! Proud of me. No one was around. It was really peaceful. 🫧

My goals for this week: getting my mind right! My diet too. Back on the yogurt hype. Haha. Non-dairy!!

SZA has been on repeat. Love her so much!!

Well, time to call it a night.

Later!!

b

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