I’m too kind. I’m too accommodating. And when I say I don’t care, I actually do.
I try to create boundaries and I can’t.
What is wrong with me?!!
Time to call it a night. I’m overthinking, being insecure, and these jealous feelings are coming out again. I don’t like the person that I am right now.
Sweet dreams.
b
It’s been a year since you were called home and I find myself looking for signs from you. A moth?! I’ll take it. A butterfly? Yes. Anything from nature really. I miss your voice, your cooking, and your calm nature.
Continue to guide us wherever you are. I love you! Always. 🥰
Bodetski
Proud of the journey, but damn it hurts. ❤️🩹 Especially because I had an inkling and I was spot on. I’m tired. I think I need to throw in the towel. I’m traumatized again. I really don’t know why this continues to happen to me. I just have a type and I always go for the wrong ones. This time I didn’t need to ask for help because I’m beautiful and I’m capable. But honestly it’s him, not me.
Part of me still wants an answer. I’m stubborn okay! Once I know what it is, I guess I can move on. Rip off the bandage!! I’m scared, but like take the jump. This crush has lasted a while. I’m anxious again. 😭 Help!!!
Still awake because I’m annoyed and sad. I saw it with my own eyes. I hurt my own feelings again.
Time to ko. It’s a new week!
Good night.
b
Are all guys really bad at communicating? I think it’s rude to not reply to a text message. I originally thought, “maybe he’ll return the same energy to me?” It took me two days to respond, but I responded. I never heard back!!! It drives me nuts because now I’m internalizing it. A double text and no response. Feeling like an idiot.
I got through 6/6 shifts!!! 😮💨 I’m exhausted, but it’s worth it. Anything for baseball. 🫶🏼
Going to create tough boundaries this week. I need to follow through! No matter what.
I need to submit some apps too. Also I’ve been winging my eyeliner and it’s been great. Lots of practice, patience, and a steady hand!!
Kk, I’m tired. Good night. 🧡
BEAT LA!!!!
b
In the years of my existence, I’ve never been able to get the guy. Some of you might be thinking, “yeah right.” But it’s true. My crushes in elementary school, high school, community college, university, work, and even dating apps! They say rejection is redirection. And it probably is to be honest.
I haven’t been rejected yet, but the events from almost two weeks ago certainly feels like it. I’m still gutted. I’m creating hard boundaries. I wanted to reach out yesterday, but I think it’s important to limit access via text and social media. He’s got anything to say, you know how to reach me.
I’m honestly not surprised, just really disappointed. My gut has never been wrong and I was so right in this case!!! I hate that. 😭
It’s a new month, so I’m hoping to start fresh. Part of me still wants to know, but I’m scared. I don’t know anymore. This would be easier if he would just reach out, but no.
I’m physically tired from the last week. The Giants lost in Boston. That was an annoying few innings to watch. Turned it off and took a nap. Lol.
Still in my head. I hope to figure all of this out. For now, I’ll be listening to music and decompressing from everything.
Good night. 🧡
b
I’d like to be a rational adult about everything. Am I jumping to conclusions? Maybe. But like the universe gave me a sign. What else is there to see?!
Still bummed out. Music is calming me, but also making me super emo.
I just want Friday and Saturday to be over and done with honestly. I’ve been through worse. I can get through it!!! But I’ll have to face the music. Sighhh.
But first, baseball! I’m so ready. 🖤🧡
Good night.
b
My feelings have been all over the place as of late. My anger is displaced. I’m frustrated. And I’m tired. I don’t want to try anymore. I opened up only for it to kick my ass.
I’ve become very distant and cold. I think people can probably pick up on it. It’s hard being in said environment and trying to go about things as if it’s all “okay”. This crush is crushing. I just want to detach, hide, and not deal with anyone atm.
Going to watch the Giants on Wednesday to keep my mind off of things. Kinda dreading the weekend. I’ve cried plenty. Why do I always get hurt?! 😭😫
Why can’t it ever be me?!!
b
It’s been a while since I’ve typed anything up. Life is good, but it could be better. 😝
My trip to NYC was amazing! I wish I would’ve stayed an extra day or two. Dealt with rain flying in and dealt with it again when I flied out. The best part of my trip was catching up with friends! But we also got to shop, eat, and navigate the subway. Lots of walking, but it was fun! Got to see a handful of tourist attractions. Stayed in Manhattan. Will have to venture out to the other boroughs in the future.
So I think I’m in for a blooming friendship. Part of me is like, “What am I doing?” The other part of me is like go for it! 😂 We shall see where this goes. I’m curious, but also a little terrified. Pray for me! LOL. NYC was the catalyst.✨
Giants aren’t very good atm. Dubs beat the Lakers in LA yesterday!!!
The last few days have taken me out, but I will take advantage of my day off today. Not sure if I can sleep in because I need to cook brunch and take care of other errands.
I think April AND May will be a lot of fun! Just go with the flow and then some. 😘
Looking forward to all of the sunshine later!!! Good night. 💜
b
I’m typing this out with a heavy heart. As entertaining and fun sports can be, someone has to lose at the end of the day. Unfortunately, it was the Niners. 💔 We were in the same position four years ago. This was the “revenge” game. I can’t bring myself to rewatch the game. I was too stressed and anxious during my shift yesterday to fully process everything. Glad I’m off today to be gentle with myself. And hey, I have my birthday to look forward to, so that’s a plus.
Mom got me into football and so did my brother! I will stick with the Niners. Our time will come. Not sure when, but they will get #6. I hope it’s in my lifetime. Faithful forever.
Time to go back to sleep. Byeee!
❤️ #FTTB
b
The Niners are back in the Super Bowl!!! 🥹 I followed the game as I worked. Dealt with a lot of emotions: annoyance, anxiety, nerves, excitement, and more!!
BROCK PURDY! Give him his flowers, please. He was amazing! Aiyuk is my dude and I knew he’d be a huge factor. Two weeks until the big game. GO NINERS!!! ❤️
It was a nice work weekend. One more day and then I get to rest up for a few. Not liking the rain that’s being forecasted. 😤 Enjoying all the sunshine and the sun setting at a later time.
Well, I’m tired. Highlight of my day: Saigon sandwiches. 😋 I’ll order again in two weeks!!! Exchanged pleasantries too. Haha.
Good night. #FTTB
b
let me think. 