I’m gonna switch this one up a bit. Anyway, I’m sleepy, but I can’t sleep. Not until I get this off of my chest.
Am I hard to love? Am I looking for love in all of the wrong places? Am I being proactive about love? Some of the many questions that go on in my anxiety filled mind.
I think I do my best to be my most genuine self and sometimes it still doesn’t feel enough. I feel like putting myself out there will just be disappointing every time. Am I not opening myself up enough? I have my reservations. I’ve been hurt in the past, so my walls are very high. I might’ve mentioned this in a previous entry. I easily am hurt when people disrespect me. At times, I feel like I’m not being taken seriously. On top of that, I’ve encountered people who pose as your wing person only to have them betray you. I understand that everyone isn’t the same, but that one incident stung. I really thought I could trust her. I revisit it a lot and I wish I could’ve done it differently. Instead of telling her that it was okay. Because it wasn’t.
In the words of Kylo Ren, “Let the past die.” Oh believe me, I’m trying.
Now I’m ready to sleep.