I’m very upset right now. I feel invalidated. I feel like I don’t matter.
These last few days have been hard, but everything from here on out will just be harder. How much more can I possibly take? What’s my purpose? I’m so broken. I’m so empty. I don’t know what else I can possibly do.
The nagging, the criticism, and the comparing is all too much. I do my best to take everything in constructively and sometimes I can’t.
I’m hurt. I’m mad.
I’m feeling hopeless.
b
I’m in the middle of a week in photos entry. It’s taken me a while to sit down and get it done. There’s a lot going on in my life right now. I think I vented about it in my last post.
So many feelings and emotions. No one to really talk to about it. Blogging helps and so does listening to music. sweetener is giving me motivation and hope. Ariana is so good! I’m hoping to see her in concert soon.
I’m getting grey hairs. It’s not bad. Growing old is a privilege. So I’m thankful.
I went to Uniqlo three times last week. I’m stocking up on warm clothes. Mostly layering and scarves! Their beanies are cool too. I think it’s my favorite store right now. You can get everything there.
Anyway, I’m getting sleepy. Hoping to stay positive the rest of the week. I’m in an odd place, but I’m sure I’ll get out of it. Hope all is well.
b
I drank way too much caffeine. This is why I almost always order everything decaf. Whoops.
I’m overwhelmed by my own thoughts. This is why I’m blogging it out. Change is on the horizon. It’s uncomfortable. It’s scary. But it’s absolutely necessary.
Staying away from a lot of social media. #sfgiants #duh #blah
I’m glad basketball is back. Yay! But I cannot with ESPN right now.
Brainstorming travel plans. We’ll see.
Okay, I’m getting tired. Good night.
b
I don’t remember too much from this week. I did buy a new pair of shoes! Thanks, allbirds. 🙂
I was still quite sad about some events in my life. So many ups and downs. But I take it a day at a time. The feeling of isolation can be quite overwhelming. I’m in my head a lot. Blogging, reading, and photography keep me afloat. I’m grateful for this space. Thank you, WordPress!!
To the pictures!
I’m currently dealing with insomnia. I mean I did nap for about 3 hours yesterday.
I haven’t been feeling the greatest. I dealt with a scratchy throat for most of the weekend. And now I’m dealing with cold symptoms. Not fun. My runny nose is annoying. I have some slight congestion. I have a bit of a tension headache right now. Ugh. I don’t have much energy.
I hope I feel better by the time I wake up. That’s if I can get a good night’s rest.
That’s my life update. There are so many other things going on, but this too shall pass. I know there’s light at the end of the tunnel.
Good night.
b
What went on this week? tokidoki night with my sisters at the ballpark, going to the library, exploring Chinatown, catching up with the BFF at our neighborhood festival, and a Sister Act screening. So many fond memories.
Overall, it was a great week.
To the pictures!
I’m still processing the passing of my friend. I knew this time would come, but it was too soon.
I miss our conversations. Being able to connect with someone who also has the same heart condition gave me comfort. I didn’t feel so alone and misunderstood. There were shared frustrations and fears. Despite that, we were able to talk about tv, makeup, and food. It was nice. From there, we connected with other individuals like us. We became a community.
Her writing was strong. And I always resonated with it. When she mentions milestones, I totally get it. Some of those are (still) unattainable for me. At times, I can’t help but feel guilty, unloved, and envious of my peers. I always ask myself, “Why did my life turn out this way?” Sometimes I just overly obsess about it to no avail. Unfortunately, I still don’t have an answer.
I’ll continue to hold out hope for a cure. It is absolutely needed. I don’t want to hear about life expectancies and limitations. You create your own future. Your thoughts are powerful. And I’ll continue to keep going. This is my reality.
This quote is all over social media: “If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit.” I intend to do just that.
Can’t stop, won’t stop. #PHighters
b
It was a very ordinary week. I just remember work, running errands (which is the norm for me), and walking. I also consumed a bunch of cookies. Terrible, I know.
We also fondly remembered Laki on his birthday. Miss that dog every day. ❤
To the pictures!
let me think. 